The One With The Wrecked Christmas SEASON 11!
by 8srfan
Summary: THE FINAL CHAPTER IS NOW PUBLISHED! It's Ross and Rachel's wedding, Joey is missing and will Ross EVER get over Joey being in love with Rachel? This is the finale you do NOT want to miss. Comedy, Comedy, and TONS of Drama. Read n Review Plz.
1. Chapter 1

**_The One With The Wrecked Christmas_**

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These characters do NOT belong to me. They belong to Martha Kauffman and David Crane, property of NBC and Warner Bros.'s sitcom TV show "_Friends_". This is just fanfiction, made for fun :) 

Please comment on this, read, and review. Thx:D:D:):)

* * *

Scene: _Central Perk_. Everyone but Monica and Chandler are there. They enter. 

**All: **Hey! Monica! Chandler!

**Monica: **Hey, you guys.

**Chandler: **Hi!

(They sit down on the couch next to Ross and Rachel. Joey is sitting on the chair beside and Phoebe is sitting on the green chair)

**Rachel: **What's up?

**Monica: **Nothing, nothing. Everything's just plain normal.

**Phoebe: **Oh, come on. It's Christmas, you're weird, and a new restaurant just opened next to us.

**Monica: **Okay, I'm cooking Christmas dinner!

**Phoebe: **I knew it.

**Joey: **Wow, really? 'Cause I'm really hungry now, I didn't have a really good breakfast. (Starts to get up, but Ross stops him.)

**Ross: **She means, on Christmas Eve.

**Joey: **(to Ross, mad) You always have to be against me, man. (Turns his face the other way.)

**Phoebe: **Wow, so on Christmas Eve, we're having it at the apartment, or you're taking us out somewhere?

**Rachel: **Phoebe, she said she's COOKING dinner!

**Phoebe: **So what? That doesn't prove that she's not taking us out! (Pause) Maybe, what if...what if, like, she's cooking the food, and taking them to some fancy restaurant? Huh? Did that ever occur to you, huh?

**Chandler: **Anyway...(short pause) Christmas dinner starts at 9, so be there tomorrow night, all right? Clear out your plans. Okay, Ross? No museum tomorrow!

**Ross: **And no jokes, or I'm not going!

**Rachel: **All right, sure, Mon. We'll be there. But will _he_? (Points to Chandler)

**Monica: **Unfortunately...yes. (Chandler stares at Monica) A joke.

**Joey: **Hey, are you guys inviting Gunther?

**Chandler: **Why would we invite Gunther?

**Joey: **Nothing, just that he probably sent his letter to the wrong apartment. (Shows a paper with big letters on it: "INVITE ME TO YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!")

**Gunther: **(Walking by) This isn't yours. (To Monica and Chandler) Sorry. (Takes the paper away)

(After Gunther leaves, Joey shows the gang another small note with big letters on it: "TO MONICA AND CHANDLER")

_(SCENE: Joey's and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is putting on her necklace as Joey enters.)_

**Joey: **Hey.

**Rachel: **Hey. Can you help me with this?

**Joey: **Sure. (_Rachel turns her back on him and Joey checks out her dress, opens his eyes wildly then ignores what he saw._) Wow, looks like somebody's going to some fancy place. You and Ross tonight? Huh?

**Rachel: **Yup. Tonight's the night.

**Joey: **Yeah! It's sex night!

**Rachel: **(_turns around and looks at Joey_) No, it's Christmas Eve! Monica and Chandler's Christmas party, hello?

**Joey: **Ooh, I totally forgot.

**Rachel: **Thanks for the necklace thing.

**Joey: **Oh, yeah, sure. I'm used to putting on necklaces on women.

**Rachel: **Please tell me you don't try them on.

**Joey: **Oh, no! Please!

(_Awkward Silence_)

**Joey: **So...I better go get dressed!

**Rachel: **Yeah! That's probably a good idea! Yeah. Don't be late. You know how hyper Monica gets.

**Joey: **Yeah, sure. Bye.

**Rachel: **Bye! (Leaves and Joey goes to his room, returns to the living room and looks at the door that Rachel just left from)

**Joey: **That was weird.

(Rachel returns.)

**Rachel: **Hi, I forgot my purse...

(Joey looks at Rachel as she slowly starts to walk to the living room with her fancy dress. Joey is shocked to amazement.)

**Rachel: **...on the couch. (Pauses) What?

**Joey: **What, no, nothing! You look great!

**Rachel: **Thanks! So why don't _you_?

**Joey: **Oh, yeah...(Goes to his bedroom)

_(SCENE: Ross's apartment. Ross is there, dressed nicely as Chandler enters.)_

**Chandler: **Hey, man.

**Ross: **Hey, dude. How's the Christmas party preparation going?

**Chandler: **Ooh, so tough that I came all the way over here to avoid it! (Pause) So, you and Rachel tonight, huh? Your first Christmas party together after breaking up, getting drunk and married in Vegas, then back again, huh?

**Ross: **Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. In fact, I'm **really **looking forward to it. If you know what I mean. (Winks)

**Chandler: **Oh, no. Please don't have sex on my bed.

**Ross: **No, not that. But I was thinking of asking Rachel to move in with me tonight.

**Chandler: **Tonight? You're asking her tonight?

**Ross: **Yup.

**Chandler: **I don't want our Christmas party to end so bad, please, dude, do it some other time.

**Ross: **What are you talking about? Rachel would be pleased to move in with me!

**Chandler: **(Chuckling) Good luck with that. (_Leaves_)

_(SCENE: Phoebe's apartmet. Phoebe and Mike are getting ready.)_

**Mike: **Uh, Pheebs? Question: Why are we going, and where to?

**Phoebe: **Mike! The next time I speak, listen! (Pause) We're going to Chandler and Monica's Christmas party.

**Mike: **I just don't feel so connected to those people. I mean, they're all your friends, and I barely know some of them.

**Phoebe: **Mike, relax. It's not like Meeting The Parents or something! It's just Monica, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, Joey, Emma, Erica and Jack Bing!

**Mike: **They're not _all _the Bings, are they?

**Phoebe: **I told you to listen, Mike, where are you?!

**Mike: **Ok, do I really have to go?

**Phoebe: **Go where? (Mike stares at her) Oh!

**Mike: **There it is!

_(SCENE: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is ready to go.)_

**Joey: **(coming out of his bedroom) Wow. Don't _you _look...

(Awkward Silence)

**Rachel: **Uh-huh? Joey!

**Joey: **You look...hideous!

**Rachel: **Thank you! Right back at you. (short pause) So, you ready to go?

(Silence. Suddenly, Joey jumps and gives Rachel a kiss on the lips, which shocks her.)

**Joey: **Oh, my god. Oh, my god...What am I doin'?! Gosh, I'm so sorry, Rach. I mean, you're with...you're with Ross! And I don't wanna go through _that _again!

**Rachel: **Ok, well, it was an incident, and nobody needs to know about this.

**Joey: **Thank you!

(They sigh in relief. Ross enters)

**Ross: **Hey! Ready to go, Rach?

**Rachel: **Yeah! Bye, Joe.

**Ross: **See ya tonight!

**Joey: **Bye!

(Ross and Rachel head to the door; Ross opens it and starts to leave)

**Joey: **Ross, I kissed Rachel.

(Long Silence, as Ross stood just right there at the doorway, shocked and frozen.)

**Ross: **What? (He turned around and looked at Joey)

**--End--**

No Closing Credits in this episode.

* * *

Chapter II is coming soon! Make sure you keep checking in! Read, Review, and Laugh! --leave a comment--


	2. Chapter 2

**_The One With The Wrecked Christmas_**

CHAPTER II

* * *

These characters do NOT belong to me. They belong to Martha Kauffman and David Crane, property of NBC and Warner Bros.'s sitcom TV show "_Friends_". This is just fanfiction, made for fun :) 

Please comment on this, read, and review. Thx:D:D:):)

* * *

**Previously on Friends:**

**Rachel: **What's up?

**Monica: **Nothing, nothing. Everything's just plain normal.

**Phoebe: **Oh, come on. It's Christmas, you're weird, and a new restaurant just opened next to us.

**Monica: **Okay, I'm cooking Christmas dinner!

TIME LAPSE

**Joey: **Sure. (_Rachel turns her back on him and Joey checks out her dress, opens his eyes wildly then ignores what he saw._) Wow, looks like somebody's going to some fancy place. You and Ross tonight? Huh?

**Rachel: **Yup. Tonight's the night.

**Joey: **Yeah! It's sex night!

**Rachel: **(_turns around and looks at Joey_) No, it's Christmas Eve! Monica and Chandler's Christmas party, hello?

**Joey: **Ooh, I totally forgot.

**Rachel: **Thanks for the necklace thing.

**Joey: **Oh, yeah, sure. I'm used to putting on necklaces on women.

**Rachel: **Please tell me you don't try them on.

**Joey: **Oh, no! Please!

(_Awkward Silence_)

TIME LAPSE

**Ross: **No, not that. But I was thinking of asking Rachel to move in with me tonight.

**Chandler: **Tonight? You're asking her tonight?

**Ross: **Yup.

**Chandler: **I don't want our Christmas party to end so bad, please, dude, do it some other time.

**Ross: **What are you talking about? Rachel would be pleased to move in with me!

**Chandler: **(Chuckling) Good luck with that. (_Leaves_)

TIME LAPSE

**Joey: **(coming out of his bedroom) Wow. Don't _you _look...

(Awkward Silence)

**Rachel: **Uh-huh? Joey!

**Joey: **You look...hideous!

(Silence. Suddenly, Joey jumps and gives Rachel a kiss on the lips, which shocks her.)

**Joey: **Oh, my god. Oh, my god...What am I doin'?! Gosh, I'm so sorry, Rach. I mean, you're with...you're with Ross! And I don't wanna go through _that _again!

**Rachel: **Ok, well, it was an incident, and nobody needs to know about this.

**Joey: **Thank you!

(They sigh in relief. Ross enters)

**Ross: **Hey! Ready to go, Rach?

**Rachel: **Yeah! Bye, Joe.

**Ross: **See ya tonight!

**Joey: **Bye!

(Ross and Rachel head to the door; Ross opens it and starts to leave)

**Joey: **Ross, I kissed Rachel.

(Long Silence, as Ross stood just right there at the doorway, shocked and frozen.)

**Ross: **What? (He turned around and looked at Joey)

**Currently on Friends...**

(Silence occurrs after Joey told Ross what he just said..)

**Joey: **So, Ross, would you like to...reply?

**Rachel: **_(nervous) _No, no! You don't have to reply! Ross, don't reply!

**Joey: **No, Rach, we need to talk about this!

(Silence)

**Ross: **I...we have to be at Monica and Chandler's Christmas dinner. _(Staring at Joey for moments, he left the apartment, shocked)_

**Rachel: **I can't believe you just told him!

**Joey: **What, you thought I was gonna just hide such a thing from my BEST friend?!

**Rachel: **I thought Chandler was your best friend.

**Joey: **Rachel, I can't do this right now, okay?

**Rachel: **What? You can't do this now? What, why?!

**Joey: **BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY! _(Leaves the apartment and shuts the door loudly after him)_

_(SCENE: Monica and Chandler's Place. Monica is asking Emma, Erica and Jack to quit running in the house.)_

**Monica: **It..it's a new house! Please stop running! **Rachel**!

**Rachel: **WHAT?!

**Monica: **Emma doesn't stop ruining my kids!

**Rachel: **Oh, I'm sure it's something you can handle, Mon. _(Groans)_

**Monica: **Uh-okay, **NO**. It's something I'm **not **handling, and what's the matter with you tonight? This is Christmas Eve. You're supposed to have fun!

Cut to Chandler talking to Ross a few feet away.

**Chandler: **This is Christmas Eve! You're supposed to have fun, Ross, not ruin mine.

**Ross: **I'm sorry, okay? I just didn't expect that my best friend would kiss my girlfriend on Christmas Eve.

**Chandler: **I thought _I _was my best friend.

**Ross: **No! You were just a hangover! _(pause) _You know? How **else **would I get dates in college? _(Chandler gasps) _I'm kidding, all right?! Look, I was supposed to ask Rachel to move in with me tonight! Look how _that _is going!

**Chandler: **Oh, come on. It could've gone better. I mean, it's not like you **planned **your second best friend to end up kissing your girlfriend. _(Ross stares at him) _Oh, excuse me? Did that hurt you DEEP FROM THE INSIDE?!

**Ross: **I'm sorry, Chandler, that I'm giving you a hard time at this. But...it's just that...I want my relationship with Rachel to work. I'm **done **having it not work out with her. But I just...can I possibly forgive Joey?!

**Chandler: **I don't think so. I mean, what he did to ya was pretty bad. But that doesn't mean that you should just...like shut him out or something. Talk to him about this.

Cut to Phoebe and Mike consoling Joey a few feet away.

**Phoebe: **Talk to him about this!

**Joey: **I can't! All right? It'll be too awkward!

**Mike: **_(Sniffs) _Speaking of awkward, who _are _these people?

**Phoebe: **_(Glaring at Mike) _My **friends**. (keeps staring at him) Gosh, just if you weren't good in bed. _(to Joey) _Will you talk to him, Joey? Please?

**Joey: **I can't, Pheebs!

**Phoebe: **We'll at least have Christmas dinner not after three in the morning! _(looking at her watch) _I mean, it's already an hour and a half before midnight.

**Joey: **Fine! _(Sniffing) _I'll do it for the food. _(pause) _'Cause I'm hungry! _(pause) _Had nothing all day. _(Phoebe and Mike look at him) _What? Hey, I only had two lunches! _(Walks away)_

_(Time Lapse...)_

**Joey: **Hey, Ross!

**Ross: **Look, I don't want to talk about this, Joey, all right?

**Joey: **Please, Ross, just talk to me!

**Ross: **I can't...right now. I'm sorry.

**Joey: **Do it for the food!!

**Ross: **For the...what? Never mind! _(Walks away)_

**Joey: **_(Sniffing, walking towards Phoebe and Mike) _Oh, man.

**Phoebe: **So? How'd it go?

**Joey: **Pretty good. He didn't even give me the finger yet!

**Phoebe: **Great!!

**Mike: **Oh, no, hey, look. Joey, there it is! _(points somewhere and Joey awwes)_

Cut to Monica and Rachel

**Monica: **What?! You and Joey? Could it get any serious? I mean, you're with my brother!

**Rachel: **Who, because of your **stupid, stupid **Christmas party, had to walk in on us!

**Monica: **Yeah, which is about to be ruined, thanks to _your _child!! _(yelling at Emma) _No, leave that! That's precious! Ah, whadda heck. Chandler's mom bought it for us.

**Rachel:**I just...I know that, that kiss with Joey was just a one-time thing! I just wish Ross would understand!

Cut to Ross and Chandler again.

**Ross: **What if it was just a one-time thing, y'know? Maybe I should give her a chance to explain, and not give Joey one.

**Chandler: **You can't do that to him! And what if Rachel doesn't agree to move in with you? AWKWARD AGAIN!

Cut to Monica and Rachel.

**Monica: **What if Ross asks you to marry him? What would you say?

_(Silence)_

Cut to Ross and Chandler again.

**Ross: **I think I should propose to Rachel. _(Chandler is shocked.)_

Cut to Monica and Rachel.

**Rachel: **I think I'd say no.

_(Silence. Rachel sighs)_

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

**END...**

**Chapter III is coming soon. It's to be titled as: _The One Where Ross Proposes... _Leave a review!!**


	3. Ross Proposes, Part I

**_The One With The Wrecked Christmas_**

_--Chapter 3--  
_THE ONE WHERE ROSS PROPOSES, PART I

* * *

May I first say how incredibly sorry I am I hadn't update sooner. It'll be more than a year in a few months since my last update. i am deeply sorry but there's been some...issues, let's call them, in my life ever since last year. PLEASE read & review and tell me what u think. I accept, like Monica, criticsm.

* * *

(Continued where chapter 2 leaves us off...)

_(Scene: Monica & Chandler's place. Everyone's getting ready to go to the dining-room and sit down for a lovely Christmas dinner...did I say "lovely"?)_

**Phoebe:** Hey, did Gunther called?

**Chandler:** What?

**Phoebe:** Well, y'know, to like apologize for why he's not coming for dinner.

**Chandler:** Pheebs, we didn't _invite_ Gunther.

**Phoebe:** Wha--well, hey, that's not fair! I'd invite _your_ friends, wouldn't I? Jeez! (walks away) Come here, Mike, let's eat these stupid unfair people's food.

(Monica and Rachel are coming out of the kitchen)

**Monica:** (whispering) I can't _believe_ you wouldn't agree to marry my brother.

**Rachel:** Monica, relax! Ok? It's not like he asked and I said "no"! Alright?

**Monica:** Rach, this is Ross ok? In a few months, he's _gonna_ ask.

(Joey approaches Ross, holding a glass of wine)

**Joey:** Hey, Ross, look man I think--I think we should talk about what happened earlier tonight.

**Ross:** Oh, what, what--do you mean you kissing my girlfriend?

**Joey:** Yeah that one! Look, man, it was umm it was kind of like an accident ok?

**Ross: **_Kind of_ like an accident?

**Joey:** No it _was_ an accident! I--look, Ross, the bottom line is I am so, so sorry alright? I mean, I am just so sorry... I--I'd do anything to gain your trust and confidence in me again.

**Ross:** Wasn't that a line from your last unproducted movie?

**Joey:** (smiles) Awe, I didn't know you watch my movies. Hey, guys, listen to this! Ross watches my movies!

**Phoebe:** Oh, yea, which one?

**Joey:** Which one was that?

**Ross:** _Sexy Window_.

**Joey:** Right. (pause) So uh we cool man?

**Ross:** We cool.

(Ross goes for a handshake)

**Joey:** Awe, that's so sweet. (Joey hands Ross his glass of wine and then walks away)

**Monica:** Ok, everyone, dinner's ready!

**All:** Woohoo, finally. Dinner! Christmas dinner.

**Monica:** Chandler, would you get the kids?

**Chandler:** Oh alright.

(Ross follows Chandler to the living-room)

**Chandler:** (realizing Ross followed him) Oh, I didn't know Monica meant _you_ Chandler. (pause) See, I think we've settled to naming you Ross.

**Ross:** How do you think I should do it? How do I do it? How?

**Chandler:** (short pause) Ross, are you asking me for tips to having sex with your girlfriend?

**Ross:** No! I meant the other thing. The...the proposing to Rachel thing.

**Chandler:** Ohh that! That one, oh yea I got an idea. Don't do it!

**Ross:** What?

**Chandler:** Look, man, you have been wanting to be with Rachel ever since, like, forever. And now you finally have her. I mean, you finally have her, man. Don't wreck it. Don't rush things over and now I know that you've never been in a relationship with a girl that you haven't married but--this could be different, y'know? I say wait it out a bit. Alright buddy?

(Pause)

**Ross:** Ok, that was like the worst idea ever.

**Chandler:** Ross, Ross... Just find out where Rachel is and if she's in the same place _you_ are THEN propose to her.

**Ross:** But see that's the thing! I know! I know she's in the same place I am!

(Rachel now appears from behind Ross...Chandler sees her and winces)

**Ross:** (cont'd) I know that Rachel wants to marry me so THAT'S why I'm gonna propose!

(Chandler squeezes his eyes shut and secretly points at "behind Ross")

(Ross slowly turns around and sees Rachel, who is shocked.)

**Ross:** Ohh. Rachel.

**Rachel:** Oh my god.

**Chandler:** Oh dear god.

**Ross:** Ohh...

**Rachel:** You uh... Ross, you uh (clears throat) You're gonna...you're gonna pro-propose?

**Ross:** Uh...maybe.

**Rachel:** Ok.

**Ross:** What uh...I mean, I don't even have the ring and--and everything but, but I _was_ planning on doing it, say, next week?

**Rachel:** Oh, next-next-next week, I see. Ok. MONICA!!

**Monica:** (rushes in) Oh my god did Chandler drop the kids again?!

**Chandler:** No, but we're sure gonna talk about _that_ later, aren't we?

**Monica:** What's, umm, what's happening?

(Phoebe, Mike and Joey now come too)

**Phoebe:** What's going on?

**Joey:** What is it?

**Rachel:** Ross uh Ross uhm...Ross was gonna uh--Ross...

**Chandler:** (interrupting) Ross has to leave.

**Monica:** What?

**Joey:** But we haven't eaten yet! Just a slice! And an oatmeal! And less than half of the mashed potatoes.

**Phoebe:** Why do you have to leave?

**Ross:** I uh I have to leave because uh because I uh I have to umm...do this thing.

**Chandler:** The office's called him again.

**Monica: **Oh my god is there, like, an emergency or something?

**Chandler:** Yes... yes, yes there is. There is!

**Mike:** Well what is it?

**Chandler:** Tyrannosaurus Rex fell down.

(They all gasp.)

**Chandler:** ...on three little kids.

(They gasp again.)

**Phoebe, Monica, Joey & Mike:** Oh my god!!

**Rachel:** Well, this is just horrible. HORRIBLE!

**Monica:** Yeah.

**Rachel:** You should really go.. Like, right now!

**Ross:** I uh I'm gonna go.

**Monica:** Ok take care!

**Phoebe:** Bye Ross! Tell us how everything ends up.

**Ross:** OK.

(Ross leaves, very slowly, as Phoebe, Joey & Mike go back to the dining room talking about it while Chandler and Rachel stare at each other .)

(Rachel sighs)

**Chandler:** Would you say "yes"?

**Monica:** Yes to what?

**Chandler:** (clears throat, pause) Uhm, Rach, if-if Ross asks you to go with him to-to the museum..would you ah would you say "yes" and become his ah...become his "companion" for the "night"?

(Rachel sighs)

**Rachel:** I don't like museums. And I'm usually not a good companion.

(Monica and Rachel start to go back to the dining room, Rachel looking at Chandler again)

**Chandler:** I'm pretty sure he's gonna ask you.

**Rachel:** I can't be a companion...

(The girls leave.)

(Chandler sighs)

**Chandler:** (picking up Jack & Erica Bing) Let's go have dinner. (Erica almost falls down) Ohh no... that couldn't be good.

--

PLEASE RnR!! The next Chapter: _TOW ROss Proposes Part _II_ is coming soon..._


	4. Ross Proposes, Part II

**_The One With The Wrecked Christmas_**

_--Chapter 4--  
_THE ONE WHERE ROSS PROPOSES, PART II

* * *

This is the newest update yet...please read and review, the only matter that'll encourage me to go on (or stop) I accept any comments (negativepositive). I admire the positive ones and manage to work hard on making the negative ones positive. Why are you reading this? Read the actual fanfic!...

(Continues where Chapter 3 left us off...)

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's place. Everyone--but Ross--is sitting down right now for dinner.)_

**Phoebe:** Don't you think we should wait for Ross?

**Joey:** Pheebs, you already made us wait 30 minutes for Gunther who didn't even show up! (pause) Would you **_please_** let us have dinner!!

**Phoebe:** Fine. I'm just saying...y'know, we're all here having Christmas dinner...y'know, on Christmas Eve. (short pause) And Ross's all the way...y'know, in another place, at this horrible museum where they let a dinosaur fall on little kids!

**Monica:** Phoebe, don't worry. I just got off the phone with him, he's on his way here and we'll save him some food.

**Phoebe:** Ugh, do we have to? I'm kinda hungry.

**Mike:** (smiling) This is nice.

**Chandler:** Which part is that, Mike?

**Mike:** You know, just all of us hanging around, having dinner, on Christmas. It's just so-it's so comfy and nice.

**Monica:** Are-are you implying that you like-that you like the way I've arranged the dining room table?

(Pause)

**Mike:** Yes.

**Rachel:** Ok, so uh shall we all start?

**All:** Ok.

(Monica keeps looking at Rachel, who is very quiet)

**Monica:** Oh, Rach, could you help me out with something in the kitchen?

**Chandler:** What, there's more food in there?

**Phoebe:** Yeah, and you wouldn't put it out here? God, Monica, you're so selfish-ly...selfish!

**Monica:** Hey...I was just saving this for later after 12.

**Phoebe:** Oh, that's ok then. Just bring it over.

**Monica:** Rach?

**Rachel:** Ok.

(Monica and Rachel get up to the kitchen -- Long awkward silence in the dining room, everybody's eating)

**Phoebe:** I wonder if Tyrannosaurus Rex makes it through the night.

**Chandler:** Umm...actually, Tyrannosuarus Rex didn't even fall down tonight. Ross just--Ross and I just made that up to avoid all the awkwardness that was going on over there earlier.

**Phoebe:** What "awkwardness"?

**Chandler:** Ross wants to propose to Rachel ... and she knew, in advance.

**Phoebe:** Oh my god Ross's gonna propose?

**Mike:** Wouldn't that be Ross's fourth wedding?

**Chandler:** Yes, it **_would_** be Ross's fourth wedding, second to the same woman.

**Phoebe:** I still can't believe Ross's gonna propose.

(Ross enters)

**All:** Hey! Ross! Oh my god it's Ross! Ross! Hi! Hey!

**Ross:** You were talking about me, weren't you?

**Phoebe:** No, we weren't! God, you're self-centered!

**Ross:** Phoebe, I heard your husband ask if this's gonna be my fourth wedding!

**Phoebe:** (staring at Mike) Now this is why you should never talk.

**Joey:** (mouth full of food) Hey, so Ross is Tyrannosaurus Rex still okay? (They all stare at him in ridicule.)

**Chandler:** Joe...

**Joey:** Sorry! Are the kids alright?

_(Cut to the kitchen.)_

**Rachel:** Ok, so where's that food you were talkin' about?

**Monica:** We'll, uh, we'll get that in a minute. Uhm, Rach, is everything--is everything alright?

**Rachel:** Yeah, why?

**Monica:** You seem a little distracted.

**Rachel:** No, I was just uh I was just thinking. Y'know, I was just thinking of Ross, obviously! (Pause) Poor sexy Ross. (Pause) He has to spend Christmas Eve at the museum, removing a Trynasaur--something off of little kids.

**Monica:** So that's it? That's what's going on? You're just thinking of poor Ross?

**Rachel:** Yeah. (Long Pause) (sighs) Monica, Ross wants to propose to me.

_(Cut back to the dining room.)_

**Ross:** I uh I think I'm gonna propose to Rachel.

**Phoebe, Joey and Mike:** Oh my god! I can't believe this! Well, this--this is unbelievable!

**Chandler:** Ross...when?

(Ross puts his hand in his pocket and takes out something)

**Ross:** (holding an engagement ring) I'm gonna do it tonight.

(They're all shocked)

**Joey:** (to Phoebe) I'm so glad Gunther's not here or he'd kick _his_ (Ross's) ass.

**Phoebe:** Ross? Tonight?

(Joey goes to the kitchen)

**Ross:** Yes, tonight alright? I-I can't do this anymore. I can't wait anymore. I'm in love with her and she's in love with me...

**Chandler:** But don't you want to wait to see if she's in "that place" too?

**Ross:** No! (Long pause) I'm gonna do it, tonight. I'm gonna ask Rachel to marry me.

_(Cut back to the kitchen. Joey walks in on Rachel and Monica's conversation.)_

**Joey:** Oh..my god, were you girls saying something private?

**Monica:** Yes.

**Joey:** I'm so glad I intervened then. (ok, i'm not sure if _intervened_ is a word but u know what i mean by saying that, right? The verb of an _intervention_, if there is a verb.)

**Rachel:** (to Monica) We'll talk later.

**Monica:** I'm gonna serve the pie. (leaves the kitchen)

(Awkward silence between Joey and Rachel)

**Joey:** So uh...

**Rachel:** Mm-hmm?

**Joey:** Hi, Rach.

**Rachel:** Hi!

**Joey:** You, uh, you think we should talk about earlier tonight? This afternoon? What happened.

**Rachel:** I uh I really, really don't.

(another pause)

**Joey:** I just wanted you to know that, uh... (clears throat) It was a mistake!

**Rachel:** A mistake.

**Joey:** A terrible mistake. I mean, you--you're my friend. And my friend's _girl_friend. Y'know?

**Rachel:** Yeah! Absolutely!

**Joey:** I mean, we HAVE dated in the past and I HAVE seen you completely naked so many other times but...

**Rachel:** Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, what? (chuckles) When...when, uh, when have you seen me naked?

**Joey:** Oh I uh...well I don't like to brag about it but when we were living together, Rach, once I kinda just undressed you in your sleep.

**Rachel:** WHAT?!

**Joey:** You were asleep! It's not like it actually happened!

**Rachel:** But it **_did_** happen!

**Joey:** I was drunk! You were asleep! And I was totally in-love with you!

**Rachel:** But-- (remains quiet when she hears what he just said) Ohh.

**Joey:** (chuckles) Yeah.

**Rachel:** Right. That time.

**Joey:** Yeah. (breaks the tension, clears throat) So, uh, we should uh we should really go back in there, y'know food's a-waiting.

**Rachel:** Right.

**Joey:** And I heard Monica say something about a pie?

**Rachel:** She made five.

**Joey:** Let's go! Plus, Ross's waiting in there too, y'know?

**Rachel:** Ohh, ohh, Ross? Ross's in there?

**Joey:** Yeah, he just came a couple of minutes ago.

**Rachel:** Ohh. Oh!

**Joey:** Why, is something wrong? Do you not want to go in there? Are you not gonna go eat? And you not gonna say "I Do"?

**Rachel:** WHat?! Chandler told you. (Joey nods) No, hey, y'know what Joe why don't you go ahead of me and I'll uh I'll be there in a minute?

**Joey:** Ok. But, Rach, don't forget. Five pies a-waitin'.

**Rachel:** Okay!

(Joey leaves and Rachel thinks for a moment)

_(Cut to the dining-room. Joey returns)_

**Monica:** Hey.

**Ross:** Hey, where's Rach?

**Joey:** Oh, she's--she'll be here in a minute. In the meantime, let's all have some pies.

(They sit down but Ross remains standing.)

**Monica:** Ross?

**Chandler:** Ross, come sit down. We don't charge for seats.

**Ross:** Oh, alright. (Ross sits down)

**Chandler:** We charge for plates. (smiles)

_(Time Lapse. They're eating--Rachel's still not there--and Ross keeps looking at the kitchen door)_

**Ross:** Ok, it's been 10 minutes. I'm going in. (takes out the engagement ring which makes Monica gasps)

**Phoebe:** Oh, right, Mon, Ross's proposing.

**Ross:** Wish me luck.

**All:** Good luck! Good luck, Ross.

**Chandler:** After the first three successful marriages, I don't think you **_need_** luck anymore.

(Ross goes into the kitchen where Rachel stands near the sink, biting her fingernails, very very nervous)

**Ross:** Hey.

**Rachel:** Hey! Heyyyy-hey, Ross!

**Ross:** We missed you at dinner.

**Rachel:** Oh, yeah, well you know, had this thing to do in here. Y'know, stand by the sink and bite my nails. (laughs)

(Ross laughs--fake laughs)

**Ross:** Uh, Rach?

**Rachel:** Uh-huh?

_(Cut to the dining room)_

(They all have their eyes on the kitchen door, listening to Ross and Rachel)

**Phoebe:** Ok, what're they saying? What're they saying?

**Chandler:** Ross just said "UH Rach".

**Monica:** Ooh, I got an "Uh-huh" from Rachel!

**All:** Yes!

_(Cut to the kitchen)_

**Ross:** I am so deeply in-love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, Rach. (on one knee) Rachel Karen Greene, will you marry me?

(Long pause)

_(Cut to the dining room)_

**Phoebe:** (whispering) He just asked her to marry him.

**Monica:** Oh, my god what'd she say? What'd she say?

(Long Pause)

--SCREEN FADES TO BLACK--

* * *

**_Oh man I love cliffhangers! I'm sure you're enjoying them too :P Sorry to leave you out like this...Chapter IV should be coming out VERY soon, hopefully ! please RnR. keep checking in for more Ross-Joey-Rachel..._**


	5. The New Neighbors

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 5--  
_THE ONE WITH THE NEW NEIGHBORS

Hello again – I'm sure you're very excited for reading Chapter V of _The One With The Wrecked Christmas_ – and you should be, chapter IV must've left you sitting on the edge of your seat (I have a thing for shocking cliffhangers…luv 'em!) ok so this is my newest update. I hope you'll read and review, but most importantly I hope you'll enjoy the ride… Read on.

(Continues where Chapter 4 left us off...)

**Previously on Friends…**

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's place. Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Mike have their ears on the dining-room/kitchen door as they are listening to Ross and Rachel from across)_

**Phoebe:** Ok, what're they saying? What're they saying?

**Chandler:** Ross just said "UH Rach".

**Monica:** Ooh, I got an "Uh-huh" from Rachel!

**All:** Yes!

_(Cut to the kitchen)_

**Ross:** I am so deeply in-love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, Rach. (on one knee) Rachel Karen Greene, will you marry me?

(Silence)

Screen fades to black.

Fade in again.

**One Week Earlier…**

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is watching TV and eating Doritos on the recliner as Rachel enters with a bag, just returning from work apparently.)_

**Rachel:** Hey, Joey.

**Joey:** (waving his hand, eyes not off of TV) Hey, yeah. Hey.

**Rachel:** Have you been sitting down there the entire day, doing nothing but watch TV and eat chips?

**Joey:** I had a beer before.

**Rachel:** Right.

**Joey:** (turns TV off and goes to the counter) So? How was work?

**Rachel:** Oh. Wow, I never-I didn't…are you seriously asking me about work? Wow, that's an awful lot of improvement. Work was good, Joe. Actually, I got into the elevator with my boss and, god, the funniest thing happened—

**Joey:** (interrupting) Yeah, when am I gonna sleep with your assistant Holly?

**Rachel:** First of all, it's Sally. And second, you're not. (starts for her room)

**Joey:** Oh, I think in the contrary of that. (Rachel stares at him, shocked.) Yeah, I learned a new word. (sits down to the counter)

(Rachel goes into her room.)

**Rachel:** Has Ross called?

**Joey:** No… not in the past fifty seconds.

**Rachel:** How many messages?

**Joey:** 49. (short pause) Yeah, I called Guiness World Records—no one's left that amount of messages in less than fifteen minutes.

**Rachel:** (returning, grabbing the phone) Yeah, I told him we were gonna meet at the Plaza but I got stuck at work. He's probably mad right now. (dials)

**Joey:** That's ok, I'm sure he'll get around if you sleep with him tonight.

**Rachel:** Yeah, I'm gonna have to do that _and_ join him at the museum. (on phone) Hi! Hi, hi honey! How are you? I'm great—yeah, I'm really sorry about that, Ross. I just got stuck up at work again. I'm sorry, honey. Will you forgive me? (Pause) I'll do what you want me to do tonight. _And_, and! I'll have sex with you tonight! (short pause) Ok, bye. Mwah. (hangs up)

**Joey:** He gets around easy, doesn't he?

**Rachel:** He does, he really does.

**Joey:** Have you met our new neighbors? (looks at Rachel)

**Rachel:** (gasps) No! Someone bought Monica and Chandler's old apartment?

**Joey:** Uh-huh, they've just moved in this morning. You wanna go say hello?

**Rachel:** I—I, I don't know. I guess, maybe it'd be too weird. Too many memories. I mean, I lived there so long and then seeing Monica and Chandler living there for so long… I, I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

**Joey:** C'mon, Rach! Let's just go, let's go.

**Rachel:** (sighs) Fine, but you do all the talking.

**Joey:** You _**really**_ wanna mess up "moving day" for 'em, don't ya?

**Rachel:** Fine, Joey! Let's just go!

_(Cut to the hallway between Joey & Rachel's apartment and Monica & Chandler's…er, what USED TO BE Mondler's apartment. Joey and Rachel are appearing from their apartment.)_

**Rachel:** Ok, you ready?

**Joey:** I don't know, are _you_?

**Rachel:** That's not fair, I asked you first.

**Joey:** Rach, would you hurry?!

**Rachel:** Oh-kay!

**Joey:** Ok, let's see.

**Rachel:** Who's gonna knock?

**Joey:** I don't know, I'm so used to just walkin' in on Monica and Chandler without knocking, calling or even yelling.

**Rachel:** I know! Ok, you knock.

**Joey:** Wait, so I'm gonna do the talking _and_ the knocking?

**Rachel:** Would you just knock on the damn door, Joey?!

(Joey knocks. A man opens the door)

**Man:** Hi.

(Joey pushes Rachel upfront to talk)

**Rachel:** Hi! Hi, uh, I'm Rachel and this is my roommate Joey. We live next-doors and we just wanted to greet you, y'know on your first day in this magical apartment. So…hi!

**Man:** Hi! Oh thank god someone finally came 'cause everyone's being so rude to us in this building. Hi, my name is Sean.

**Rachel:** Hi, Sean.

**Joey:** You watch Baywatch, right Sean?

**Sean:** Yeah.

**Joey:** Welcome to the building. (shakes hands with Sean)

**Sean:** Oh, it's so nice to have such welcoming neighbors, I gotta tell ya, I was getting pretty intimidated.

**Rachel:** (laughs) Oh. Don't.

**Sean:** You should meet my wife. Honey!

**Woman (vo):** Coming!

**Sean:** (to Joey and Rachel) She is the most loveable, sweetest person in the entire world.

(His wife runs to the door)

**Woman:** What is it, dear? What's goin' on—OH, MY GAWD!!

(Yep, you guessed it—it's Janice)

(Awkward Silence—Joey and Rachel are very uncomfortable)

**Rachel:** (to Sean) The _entire_ world, really?

_(Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the green couch to the far right with Erica & Jack Bing as Ross brings two cups of coffee from the conter.)_

**Ross:** Here y'go.

**Chandler:** Thanks, Ross. Hold on a sec—you're not wearing your apron.

**Ross:** Ha-ha, just because I offered to pay for coffee doesn't mean you can make fun of me for the rest of the day.

**Chandler:** Ok, we didn't agree on that.

**Ross:** Man, I envy you.

**Chandler:** Really? That makes me feel so special. (smiles)

**Ross:** I mean, with the kids and your wife and your new house. It's so nice to have a family. I wish _I_ got one.

**Chandler:** C'mon, Ross, what're you talking about? You _have_ a family. I mean, you're with the love of your life, whom you share a child with, you also have Ben—that lucky bastard that's got two lesbian mothers. (Ross stares at him.) I tend to be very emotional when it gets to kids.

**Ross:** Yeah, but I mean still… I'd love it if I were married. Aahh, I'm gonna talk again before you say some joke about my three failed marriages.

**Chandler:** Dude, you still call those marriages? I call them "nuptial wrecks". (Ross stares at him again.) I, I did it, however, didn't I?

(Short pause)

**Ross:** Hey, do you—do you imagine me being married to Rachel someday?

**Chandler:** Of course! C'mon, Ross, we all think about it now and then. You're…you're Ross and Rachel. You guys are, like, meant to end up together. For better or worse. Until a fourth divorce may part you both. (has a sip of his coffee) You spit in my coffee, didn't you?

_(Scene: Phoebe and Mike's place. They are kissing on the couch.)_

**Mike:** May I just say, Pheebs, how pretty you look tonight.

**Phoebe:** Thank you. You too!

(They make-out again)

**Mike:** You wanna, umm… y'know?

**Phoebe:** Oh. Uh, see I'm kinda tired.

**Mike:** Oh.

**Phoebe:** So okay!

**Mike:** Okay!

(They jump to the bedroom)

_(Time Lapse; Phoebe is coming out of the bedroom and Mike is following her)_

**Mike:** I told you we should've soundproofed our door.

(Phoebe opens the door for Monica)

**Monica:** Hey, guys!

**Phoebe:** Oh, hey!

**Monica:** Hi, was I interrupting anything?

**Mike:** No, not at all.

**Monica:** Great because, umm, Phoebe, I need to talk to you.

**Phoebe:** Oh. Okay, bye Mike!

**Mike:** What?

**Phoebe:** See you! (pushes Mike out and shuts the door on him) So, what's up?

**Monica:** It's Rachel. She called and said it's important. Can I use your phone?

**Phoebe:** Oh, sure. We didn't really pay our phone-bills yet, so why don't you just go ahead.

**Monica:** Never mind. (picks up her cell and dials) Rachel?

**Rachel:** (vo) Monica! Honey, hi!

**Monica:** Yeah, I-I got your message. I'm at Phoebe's and Mike's. Is something wrong?

**Rachel:** (vo) Guess who our new neighbors are?

(Long Pause)

**Monica:** (gasping) Nooooooo!

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is hanging up the phone and sitting next to Emma on that yellow couch.)_

**Rachel:** I love you. I love you, honey.

**Emma:** I love mommy.

**Rachel:** Oh yes you do. Yes you do.

**Emma:** I love daddy.

**Rachel:** Awe, honey, and daddy adores you too.

**Emma:** And mommy love daddy.

**Rachel:** Yes I do, darling. Yes I do.

**Emma:** Mommy marry daddy.

(Long Pause)

**Rachel:** (chuckles) Okay…

**Emma:** Mommy marry daddy.

**Rachel:** Uh-huh.

**Emma:** Mommy marry daddy.

**Rachel:** I heard you.

**Emma:** Mommy marry daddy.

**Rachel:** Would you stop saying that!

**Joey:** (enters) Hey. Man, Janice and Sean—they belong together, y'know what I mean?

**Rachel:** Yeah, no I don't.

**Joey:** Were you just…yelling at your daughter, Rach?

**Rachel:** Yeah, she uh she loves it when I'm dramatically emotional. (smiles)

**Joey:** Ok, I'm going to bed.

**Rachel:** Good-night, uncle Joey.

**Joey:** Night-y night. (heading to his bedroom) Mommy marry daddy.

(Rachel groans)

_(Scene: Phoebe and Mike's place. Monica is no longer there; Phoebe is in the kitchen; Mike enters.)_

**Mike:** Hey.

**Phoebe:** Hey.

**Mike:** I'm going to bed. You wanna join me?

**Phoebe:** I'll be there in a second, pretty boy.

(Mike goes into the bedroom)

(Phoebe goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. Then she locks it. She opens the cabinet over the mirror and pushes some medication away. Then she pulls out something from behind all these medicines)

(She stares at it, sighs, squeezes her eyes shut, turns it over, opens her eyes and stares at it again.)

(Phoebe sighs again, then sits down on the toilet seat, eyes locked on _it_.)

**Mike (vo):** Honey, I'm waiting!

**Phoebe:** Coming!

(She throws _it_ in the trash and exits the bathroom then shuts the door behind her)

(The _camera_ turns around and zooms on the trash… Over all the "garbage" is a newly disposed pregnancy test that has a + sign read on it)

_Screen Fades to Black._

**Back to present time…**

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's dining-room where Phoebe, Joey, Monica, Chandler and Mike have their ears locked on the door separating the dining-room with the kitchen; they are, let me remind you, overhearing Ross proposing to Rachel in the other room)_

**Monica:** What'd she say? What'd she say?

(Long silence)

**Joey:** I-I think she said yes.

_Screen Fades to Black._

_**I hope you liked this one. Ok, but don't worry, Chapter VI is gonna finally show you what Rachel REALLY said, reacted to Ross's proposal and it's gonna show how (or IF) this Christmas will be "wrecked". Please read and review… and always check out for Chapter 6 is gonna be out soon! --RnR**_


	6. Rachel's Answer

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 6--  
_THE ONE WITH RACHEL'S ANSWER

Ok, so I know you were probably disappointed in me (and in Chapter 5) because you all expected it'd be a chapter about Rachel answering to Ross's proposal… without further ado, here is Chapter VI, one I'm sure you're gonna like—please READ and REVIEW afterwards—and now go read on!

_Right, one more thing, this is the longest chapter yet and sorry it took me long to finish this one but there are so many reasons that happened. First, it's long. Also, I made three completely different versions of this chapter—two of them I liked the most and it took me quite a while to pick which one to put out here. I chose this one because it's one that can best help me write more in this story, even though the other two were A LOT funnier (but this is still humoring). Please enjoy this Chapter, because you being entertained matters the most to me. Sure, that and getting some reviews :P_

(Continues where Chapter 5 (and 4 and 3) left us off...)

**Previously on Friends…**

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's place. Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Mike have their ears on the dining-room/kitchen door as they are listening to Ross and Rachel from across)_

**Phoebe:** Ok, what're they saying? What're they saying?

**Chandler:** Ross just said "UH Rach".

**Monica:** Ooh, I got an "Uh-huh" from Rachel!

**All:** Yes!

_(Cut to the kitchen)_

**Ross:** I am so deeply in-love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, Rach. (on one knee) Rachel Karen Greene, will you marry me?

(Long pause)

_(Cut to the dining room)_

**Phoebe:** (whispering) He just asked her to marry him.

**Monica:** Oh, my god what'd she say? What'd she say?

(Long Pause)

**Joey:** I-I think she said yes.

_Screen Fades to Black._

_FADE IN AGAIN_

**Phoebe:** Oh my god, Joey, are you sure?

**Joey:** No, not really but—

**Phoebe:** Well oh my god this is so great then! Woohoo!

**Joey:** Well, actually, Pheebs, I could barely listen to half the things she—

**Phoebe:** We should celebrate! Woohoo! Ross and Rachel, finally tying the knot—again! Woohoo!

_(Cut back to the kitchen.)_

**Ross:** Did you hear that?

**Rachel:** I think that's Phoebe. So, anyway, you were saying?

**Ross:** (chuckles) I'd just asked you to be my wife.

(Pause)

**Rachel:** And?

**Ross:** You were just about to answer.

(Pause)

**Rachel:** And what was I going to answer?

_(Cut back to the dining-room.)_

**Joey:** Is anybody else hungry?

**Monica:** Joey, we'll eat after Rachel says "yes".

**Chandler: **_**After**_ Rachel says "yes"?

**Monica:** Yeah.

**Chandler:** What makes you so sure she's not gonna say "no"?

**All:** C'mon! Pfft. Chandler!

**Chandler:** She _could_ say "no", y'know.

**Joey:** Stop ruining it! (turns to Monica) Monica, control your man.



(Monica takes Chandler by the arm and they walk away a little bit)

**Monica:** Do you know something?

**Chandler:** I know you're killing my arm—arghh, arg, aaaahh!

**Monica:** (letting go of his arm) How do you know that Rachel might say "no"?

**Chandler:** Because she told me she might say "no", ok?

**Monica:** Oh, wow.

**Chandler:** Yeah.

**Monica:** I don't believe you. (walks back to the group to overhear Ross and Rachel from the door)

**Chandler:** Hey! We're married! You're supposed to believe me! (hand on place where Monica grabbed his arm) And not hurt me!

**Monica:** Oh, stop being such a baby and come nose round with us on Ross and Rachel.

_(Back to the kitchen.)_

(Rachel sighs—Ross is still on one knee)

**Ross:** Ok, kinda on one knee over here.

**Rachel:** (sighs again) Look, Ross, maybe we should talk about this first.

**Ross:** We are. Right now. Marry me, Rachel.

**Rachel:** Ross, we are finally in a great place in our lives right now. We're together! Finally! No-one's slept with a copy-girl yet. No-one's overworking and ignoring the other "one". We are finally working in our relationship perfectly.

**Ross:** Isn't that why we should get married?

**Rachel:** (puts a hand on his) That's why we should keep things the way they are.

**Ross:** You know I can't keep things the way they are. We have to move forward, Rach. We've been on and off, on and off for the past eleven years for god's sake! We've been dating for half a year now, we have a _baby_ together…

**Rachel:** Ross, I love you.

**Ross:** I love you too.

(They kiss)

**Ross:** Please marry me.

(Long Silence)

_(Back to the dining-room.)_

**Mike:** Ok, we have Ross proposing here again. (short pause) Does he just _like_ doing this a hundred times?

**Phoebe:** Are you kidding me? In his second marriage, he proposed offering an earring.

**Mike:** Awe. That's actually kinda sweet.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, well you should've been there actually and you'll see that it _wasn't_ sweet, that it was horrible. Just plain horrible!

**Monica:** No, it wasn't.

**Phoebe:** Okay, it wasn't. Mike, yours was.

**Mike:** Hey!

**Joey:** Ooh, you shoulda seen _their_ proposal. (referring to Monica and Chandler)

**Mike:** Why?

**Joey:** Monica did it.

**Mike:** Monica proposed? Are you serious?

**Chandler:** Wha—she—wha—Phoebe proposed to you at a Knicks game!

**Joey:** He gets pedicures.

(They all glare at Chandler.)

**Chandler:** (to Joey) Thank you.

**Monica:** (ear on door) Hey, hey, hey, I just got Ross saying "Please marry me".

**Phoebe:** Oh my god that's so desperate. Is she saying no?

_(Back to the kitchen.)_

**Rachel:** Ross… (takes a deep breath) Okay.

**Ross:** What?

_(Back to the dining-room.)_

**Phoebe:** What?

**Monica:** What?

**Chandler:** WHAT?!

_(Back to the kitchen.)_

**Rachel:** Let's get married.

**Ross:** Oh, my god.

(They hug and kiss and everyone else now enters the kitchen)

**Rachel:** You guys, you guys! (showing the ring) WE'RE ENGAGED!

**All:** Ahh!!

(They all hug Rachel and Ross)

**Joey:** This is like the best Christmas present ever!

**Phoebe:** Hey, what about that time I got you that broom, that you thought was a coat hanger?

**Joey:** I gotta say, that _is_ my best Christmas gift.

**Ross:** (to Phoebe) Didn't _I_ get you that broom as a gift?

**Phoebe:** (changing the subject) Okay, so let's celebrate your engagement! (turns to Ross) Not yours. Hers.

**Monica:** (to Rachel) Congratulations.

**Rachel:** Thanks.

**Monica:** Are you crying?

**Rachel:** Oh, these are—these are happy tears.

**Monica:** Awwww.

**Rachel:** No, they're not. I think Emma just tripped! (rushes out the kitchen.)

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's dining-room table. Everyone is seated for dinner and they're all happy and smiling.)_

**Joey:** (glass of wine up) To Ross and Rachel. (They all raise their glasses to drink) May this marriage be Ross's last.

**Ross:** Amen!

**Mike:** To Ross and Rachel.

(They all cling classes and start to drink)

**Mike:** (to Phoebe) Oh, honey, honey, honey… (takes away her glass before she gets to drink)

**Phoebe:** Oh…right.

**Monica:** What's going on?

(Phoebe and Mike exchange looks)

**Phoebe:** I just took some Motrin. I don't think mixing that with wine is very effective. (fake-chuckles)

--_Note: I hope you understand why Phoebe really DIDN'T drink that wine. Pregnant, hello? Remember in the previous chapter? The last scene?? Ok, moving on…--_

**Chandler:** Ugh, god, I'm so glad this worked out fine between you guys.

**Ross:** Yeah, me too. (puts an arm around Rachel)

**Chandler:** And I'm so glad you didn't say "no", Rach, y'know like you were gonna.

(Pause)

**Ross:** What?

**Rachel:** …What?

**Ross:** You, uh, (clears throat) You were gonna…you were gonna say no?

**Rachel:** (sniffs) No! No, Chandler's just—Chandler's just being, y'know, Chandler.

**Joey:** (showing a fist at Chandler) I'm gonna thump you later.

**Chandler:** No, no, Ross, Ross, wait. Hold on, I uh I was just kidding. Obviously. I mean, she said yes, you guys are engaged, everything worked out just fine!

**Ross:** Yeah, you're right.

**Chandler:** Yeah. To Ross and Rachel, again.

**Phoebe:** Ok, now you guys are just rubbing it in.

(They all—but Phoebe—drink again.)

**Ross:** But just one question, Rach: why were you gonna say no?

**Rachel:** I wasn't gonna say "no", ugh Ross would you just let it go?

**Ross:** Obviously, there was a teeny, tiny part of you that _wanted_ to say no, otherwise Chandler never would've said what he said, right? (turns to look at Chandler)

(Awkward Silence)

**Chandler:** I-I still get pedicures.

**Monica:** You guys, you guys, it's 12. It's 12 o'clock. Merry Christmas!

**All:** Merry Christmas!



(They all start kissing each other, wishing each other a merry Christmas)

**Phoebe:** Merry Christmas, Mike.

**Mike:** Merry Christmas, Pheebs. And to the little one inside of you, too.

**Rachel:** (to Ross) Merry Christmas.

**Ross:** Merry Christmas.

(They hug)

**Ross:** I'm not forcing you to do this, y'know.

**Rachel:** Ross, I **want** to marry you. Would you _**please**_ let it go now so we can have fun on Christmas morning?

**Ross:** Fine.

**Monica:** Merry Christmas, Joey.

**Joey:** You too. Ooh, I'm gonna call Janice and Sean and wish them a merry Christmas.

**Chandler:** Oh, I'm sorry, did you say Janice?

**Joey:** Yeah, oh didn't I tell you? She lives next doors now.

**Chandler:** Oh, awesome, but why do you have her number?

**Joey:** For emergencies like this.

**Chandler:** Oh yeah I forgot we're all catching on fire!

**Joey:** (picks up his phone) Speed dial 7.

**Chandler:** Wha—?

_(Scene: Phoebe & Mike's place. They are just returning from dinner.)_

**Mike:** When are we gonna tell them?

**Phoebe:** Soon, I just – it's Christmas, you know? I didn't want to steal its thunder! (Pause) Plus, everyone was all excited and talkin' about Ross and Rachel getting engaged.

**Mike:** Yeah. Y'wanna go to sleep?

**Phoebe:** And conceive another child? Sure! (Mike looks at her.) Never mind, let's just sleep.

**Mike: **Ok.

(They're now heading off to sleep)

**Phoebe:** Mike, can we name the baby Phoeb-o?

**Mike:** We'll think about it.

**Phoebe:** Or Jinxie? Ooh, I've always wanted to name my boy Hercules!

_(Scene: Joey & Rachel's apartment. Ross is at the door saying good-bye)_

**Rachel:** I'll talk to you tomorrow.

**Ross:** Bye. I love you.

**Rachel:** I love you too.

(They kiss, Ross leaves and Rachel shuts the door. She sighs as she puts Emma to sleep)

**Rachel:** Good-night, Emma. Merry Christmas.

(Emma drifts to sleep)

**Rachel:** God, that was fast.

(Joey enters)

**Joey:** Hey.

**Rachel:** Hey.

**Joey:** So?

**Rachel:** So?

**Joey:** Are you alright?

**Rachel:** Yeah. I mean, I will be. C'mon, Ross and I have been going through this for over ten years now. We should-he deserves to be happy and if marrying me makes him happy…

**Joey:** But are _you_ happy about marrying Ross? I mean, it _would_ be your second marriage, to the same guy. And let's not forget the first time you _almost_ got married.

**Rachel:** Stop scaring me even more. I'm already dreading this whole thing.

(Pause)

**Rachel:** Oh my god. Did I just…did I just say that?

**Joey:** You don't wanna marry Ross?

**Rachel:** Yes, I do! I don't know why I said that! Maybe it's the tequila talking!

**Joey:** (wincing) YOU HAD TEQUILA AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!

**Rachel:** Yes, I did—after dinner. You _brought_ the tequila!

**Joey:** Yeah, I think I'm a little drunk.

(They chuckle)

**Rachel:** (sighs) Good-night.

**Joey:** Merry Christmas.

**Rachel:** You too.

**Joey:** So did you and Ross talk about where you're gonna have the honeymoon?

**Rachel:** Yeah, we're thinking Central Perk.

(They chuckle again)

**Joey:** Cause, y'know, the apartment's free too.

**Rachel:** Yeah, thanks Joe.

**Joey:** (gasps) Or you could have it on the roof!

(Rachel goes to her room and shuts the door)

**Joey:** I mean, who doesn't like a roof-top honeymoon? But you should be aware, there's a lot of mice up there.

**Rachel (vo):** Joey, go to sleep!

**Joey:** Fine! (He goes to his room and shuts the door)

(Long Silence)

**Joey (vo):** Man, you honeymooning with Ross in Central Perk. Gunther's gonna be _maaaaad_.

**The Next Morning.**

_(Scene: Central Perk. Monica, with Jack and Erica, is having coffee with Phoebe—don't worry, she's only having some herbal tea)_

**Monica:** It's so weird. I swear I've _never_ seen you drinking some tea before.

**Phoebe:** Well, it's a different time.

**Monica:** But we're at the coffeehouse!

**Phoebe:** Ooh, maybe I'll inspire them to call it a _tea_house!



(Ross enters)

**Ross:** (cold tone) Hi.

**Phoebe:** Hey, Ross, why so horny?

(Monica turns and looks at Phoebe for a second, confused by what she said, then back at Ross)

**Monica:** Ross, what's going on?

**Ross:** I-it-it's Rachel. We-I-I don't know.

**Phoebe:** Didn't you guys get engaged yesterday?

**Ross:** Yeah?

**Phoebe:** Oh, ok.

**Ross:** No, look, it's just that-well, after dinner, I asked her to spend the night with _me_ at my apartment and she said she wanted to go to _her_ place. I mean, we're engaged for god's sakes! We're supposed to-y'know, we're supposed to be together and stuff.

**Monica:** Look, maybe she was just tired, you know? I mean, it _was_ a long night.

**Ross:** I-I don't know, I _guess_. But it's just-I've left her sixteen messages on her answering machine already and she hasn't replied, not once.

**Phoebe:** Maybe her phone broke down.

**Ross:** We have phone booths in New York City!

**Phoebe:** Well, then, maybe she's allergic.

**Ross:** I-I-I need to go talk to her. Bye. (leaves)

**Monica:** Bye, Ross! And Merry Christmas!

**Phoebe:** Can you believe Ross didn't get me anything for Christmas?

**Monica:** Can you believe you did the exact same thing to all your other friends?

**Phoebe:** Awe, someone's a little jealous someone else's getting all the attention.

**Monica:** What attention?

**Phoebe:** Well, Mike's been really helpful now that I'm pregn—oh.

**Monica:** Oh, my god Phoebe you're pregnant?

**Phoebe:** No, no, I'm-I didn't say that. I said I'm pregn-_oh_.

**Monica:** How could you not tell us?

**Phoebe:** What, and steal Santa Claus's thunder? Y'know, I'm not that mean.

**Monica:** Oh my god, well how're you feeling?

**Phoebe:** I-I-I'm feeling good. I don't know, Mike wants us to tell but I'm just not ready.

**Monica:** Why not?

**Phoebe:** Because it isn't his.

(Long Silence)

(Phoebe bursts into laughter)

**Monica:** I hate you!

**Phoebe:** You actually believe that I would cheat on Mike?

**Monica:** Well, you believed that I would cheat on Chandler.

**Phoebe:** Of course I believe that! Chandler's gay.

(Monica shakes her head in frustration.)

**END…**

**(vo)voice over**

_**That's it, folks. Chapter VI of TOW The Wrecked Christmas (Season 11) is over! Hope it fulfilled your expectations—and sorry to those RossnJoey fans. I am a Ross and Rachel fan but I liked season 8 BECAUSE there was the whole triangle….**_

_**Chapter 7 shall be out very soon. Please leave me some comments; they are coming in handy a lot. (Oh-and note-the next chapter has a LOT to do with Joey. He has an announcement to make) Please review!!**_


	7. After Christmas Eve

_****_

The One With The Wrecked Christmas

_--Chapter 7--  
_THE ONE AFTER CHRISTMAS EVE

* * *

Before you go on with Chapter VII of this Friends fanfic, I wanna start by thanking everyone who has reviewed my story and I REALLY wanna thank you all because you have been very useful and your comments keep me going so thank you sooooo much. I also want to thank Cathy who is DEFINITELY reading this right now :P Miss ya cat! _Now read on and don't forget to review afterwards…_

* * *

(Continues where Chapter 6 left us off...)

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is finishing up eating cereal and milk (did that sound weird?) at the counter as Joey enters with a bagpack.)_

**Joey:** Hey.

**Rachel:** Hey, Joey. Where were _you_ all day?

**Joey:** I have great news! I got a new agent!

**Rachel:** Awe, Joey, that's great! I'm so happy for you! Awe, come here I wanna hug ya. (gets up and hugs him)

**Joey:** Awe, thanks Rach, and by the way that doesn't feel so weird at all after we kissed last night, Ross almost punched me and you got engaged.

**Rachel:** I know! It's, like, it's like…two days ago I was single! (laughs)

**Joey:** Yeah!

**Rachel:** But anyway… (clears throat) So, you found an agent. Honey, that's great.

**Joey:** Yeah, yeah, and she's really cool too. I mean, I'm gonna miss Estelle, I really am but Bobbie—she's young.

**Rachel:** Oh god, Joey, did you sleep with her?

**Joey:** No, no! Hey! (Rachel looks at him.) A little, yeah.

**Rachel:** Ugh.

**Joey:** But no, seriously, Bobbie is awesome. She-she believes in me and everything.

**Rachel:** Oh, c'mon, Joe, we all believe in you.

**Joey:** Well, did you when you saw me in _Sex Actually_?

**Rachel:** That was porn! Of course we weren't gonna believe in you then!

**Joey:** Well, she does. And she says she has really big hopes for me and everything.

**Rachel:** Well…great.

**Joey:** And-and she says she's gonna get me in tons and tons of auditions.

**Rachel:** Great.

**Joey:** Oh, _and_! And she's really good in bed!

**Rachel:** (smiling, looking at him) Congratulations, Joe.

**Joey:** Thanks. (walks away)

**Rachel:** So don't you wanna have some breakfast?

**Joey:** No, I already had three.

**Rachel:** It's eight in the morning.

**Joey:** I was hungry! (approaches the phone) Oh, hey, there's like ten messages here. Maybe it's my new agent.

**Rachel:** No, don't worry. I'm pretty sure it's Ross.

**Joey:** And you're not gonna call back?

**Rachel:** Oh, I will.

**Joey:** Ooh, someone playing hard-to-get?

**Rachel:** Believe me, Ross and I have been playing that for the past ten years. It's so history.

**Joey:** Aren't you guys engaged now?

**Rachel:** Uh-huh.

**Joey:** Aren't you happy about it?

**Rachel:** Yes I am. In fact, I'm going over to Monica's later for some cake.

**Joey:** (gasps) Monica made cake and she didn't tell me?

**Rachel:** Joey, she only made three. Of course she's not gonna tell you.

**Joey:** Oh, right. (starts for his room then stops) Rach?

**Rachel:** Mm-hmm?

**Joey:** Call Ross.

**Rachel:** What?

**Joey:** He is so in-love with you.

**Rachel:** Wha—I'm in love with him too. In fact, just right now I miss him.

**Joey:** Then call him!

**Rachel:** Do you not _get_ how hard-to-get works?!

(Joey goes into his room.)

_(Scene: Central Perk. Monica (still with Jack & Erica Bing) and Phoebe are still sitting there—like in the previous chapter—talking. Remember that Monica now knows of Phoebe's pregnancy)_

**Monica:** Phoebe, how long have you known?

**Phoebe:** Monica, it hasn't been that long. About a week, a week and a while.

**Monica:** Oh my god! I hate you!

**Phoebe:** _What_?

**Monica:** You've known for over a week and you didn't tell anyone? Not Ross, Rachel, Joey or Chandler? Oh, who cares about them—you didn't tell _me_?

**Phoebe:** Well, let's face it, Mon. When you moved to Flestchester—

**Monica:** Westchester.

**Phoebe:** (cont'd) –Westchester, you and I, we just sort of drifted apart.

**Monica:** What?

**Phoebe:** Oh, yeah, there's tons of stuff that I'm not telling you anymore. I'm kinda sticking with Rachel. (pause) Like, like, ooh! I went to the zoo and there's this monkey that bit me!

**Monica:** (gasps) Why didn't you tell me that? I like to hear about interesting stuff that happen to you!

**Phoebe:** Oh, yeah, you're missing out on a lot.

**Monica:** No, I'm not.

**Phoebe:** Oh, I bet Rachel's not telling you stuff anymore.

**Monica:** Yes she is.

**Phoebe:** Oh, yeah? Ok, let's see. Umm, did she tell you that she spoke with your mom the other day?

**Monica:** Rachel spoke to my mother?

**Phoebe:** Uh-huh?

**Monica:** What-why—what'd they talk about?

**Phoebe:** Um, you.

**Monica:** What?!

**Phoebe:** Well, that and Rachel's new job . . . but mainly you.

**Monica:** I can't believe this!

**Phoebe:** Oh, yeah, you should definitely move back here.

**Monica:** Ugh, Pheebs, you know I can't.

**Phoebe:** Really? Really, can't you? Is it Chandler? Is he not letting you do stuff? Because I could go over there and I could kick _his_ ass!

**Monica:** Phoebe…

**Phoebe:** No, seriously, I could. He has a tiny ass.

(Mike enters)

**Mike:** Hi.

**Phoebe:** Hey, Mike. What-what're you doing here?

**Mike:** I'm here to get you.

**Phoebe:** What, and you think I'm just gonna go with you just because you said so? You should know, I kicked Chandler's ass once. Now I know he has a tiny one but I could hit a large one too, y'know.

**Mike:** No, Phoebe, we have that umm…appointment?

**Phoebe:** Oh, right. Oh! No, that's okay. She (referring to Monica now) knows now. (to Monica) I'm having a sonogram.

**Monica:** Oh, that's great!

**Mike:** Bye.

**Monica:** Bye! Congratulations again, Mike.

**Mike:** Thanks. Did she, uh, did Phoebe also tell you that joke of "it's not half-Mike's baby".

**Monica:** (after a pause) No.

**Mike:** Oh.

(Mike starts for the door as Phoebe and Monica giggle to each other while Phoebe leaves with Mike)

_--Refer to the previous chapter, last scene, to understand the whole "it's not half-Mike's…" NOTE: It _is_ Mike's baby, don't freak out!—_

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's home. Chandler is laughing with Jack and Erica in the living-room.)_

(The babies are laughing a lot now)

**Chandler:** Yeah, laugh all you want. That's all you're ever gonna get from me.

(Doorbell rings.)

(Chandler goes to the door and opens it. Guess who's at the door? It's Richard)

**Chandler:** Rrrr-Richard?

**Richard:** Chandler! Hi, how are you?

**Chandler:** Um, fine. Can I help you, Richard?

**Richard:** Oh, you can call me buddy.

**Chandler:** Okay, buddy, what do you want?

**Richard:** I came to hang out with you.

**Chandler:** Did Monica set this up?

**Richard:** No, Monica doesn't know.

**Chandler:** Interesting.

**Richard:** Wow, what a nice place.

**Chandler:** Thanks. Lottery prize.

**Richard:** Thought so. (Short pause) So, do you have beer?

**Chandler:** No, but I got breast milk. You interested?

**Richard:** (after a pause) Just water will do good.

**Chandler:** Okay…

_(Cut to the kitchen. Chandler pours a glass of water for Richard)_

(Just when he's about to leave, he stares at the salt-and-pepper thing. He raises an eyebrow and pours some salt-and-pepper into Richard's water)

_(Cut back to the living-room.)_

**Chandler:** (coming out of the kitchen) Here, Richard, here's your water. And now, if it's salty, feel free to share because we've been having a pipe problem.

(Richard drinks half of the water)

**Richard:** No, it's good. It's good. (drinks the entire thing now) Can I get a refill?

**Chandler:** Sure, extra salt and pepper?

(Richard laughs and Chandler joins him, faking. Then Chandler takes the glass and as he turns his back to Richard on his way to the kitchen, he raises another eyebrow and smiles)

_(Scene: OB/GYN. Phoebe is doing her sonogram while Mike sits with her as the female Doctor does her work…)_

**Doctor:** Ok, Phoebe, you ready?

**Phoebe:** Yes. Oh my god this feels so weird. I can't believe, in nine months, I'm gonna have a baby that I'm actually going to keep!

**Mike:** Oh, right. Because there was this one time…for your brother.

**Phoebe:** Yeah. He wasn't fertile enough.

(Doctor looks back at the both of them and shakes her head.)

**Doctor:** I hate America. (Pause) So anyway… Mr. and Mrs. Hannigan, here is your baby.

(Phoebe and Mike stare at the sonogram screen and pause)

**Phoebe:** Oh my god.

**Mike:** It looks so beautiful!

**Phoebe:** So can we know if it's a boy or a girl already?

**Doctor:** (chuckles) It's a little too early for that. I'll give you two a minute.

**Mike:** Thank you.

(Doctor leaves)

**Phoebe:** Wow! Would you look at that?

**Mike:** I know. God, can you believe that's our baby?

**Phoebe:** Yeah…and can you actually believe we're gonna keep it?

(They hug, Phoebe still staring at her sonogram)

**Mike:** I love you.

**Phoebe:** I love you. (Long Pause) (to her sonogram screen) And love you too, Hercules!

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is walking back and forth in the living-room, obviously nervous, as Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Mike rush in…so basically everyone lol)_

**Rachel:** Hey!

**Ross:** Hey, Joey, what's up?

**Monica:** Yeah, what's going on? What's the big news you wanna give us that made us rush over here and leave the kids with _mom_?! (She says "mom" with a frown and a disgusted look.)

**Joey:** Uhh… (sighs) Okay, I have big news.

**Chandler:** C'mon, man, what is it?

**Joey:** You guys—I told you guys about my new agent Bobbie, right?

**All but Ross:** Yeah, yes! Sure you did.

**Mike:** Yeah, Bobbie. Yeah.

**Ross:** No, I didn't know about that.

**Mike:** Yeah, oh and Joey slept with her too.

**Ross:** (to Joey) So basically _HE_ knows and _I_ don't.

**Joey:** Anyway, uh, so Bobbie got me an audition for an unbelievable show!

**Rachel:** Oh my god!

**Monica:** Joey that's great!

**Chandler:** So what's the show?

**Joey:** It's, uh, it's called _Nurses_ and uh…umm, it's in L.A.

(Long Silence)

_--Screen Fades to Black--_

* * *

_**Ok, so this one probably wasn't as good as other chapters but I wrote it in the car so plz cut me so slack! Lol :P I just realized this story could go on for soooo long (I got so many storylines prepared for upcoming chapters) and note to JoeynRachel4eva (hopefully that's the right name) I luv Joey and Rachel too!! I was kinda bummed actually when they were only together for like 3 episodes of Season but there's just something magical about Ross and Rachel...you know? Thanks 4 ur comments!**_

_**Next chapter is coming up soon…and I'm preparing for a Chapter 8 right now (which is not an actual chapter) its just sort of like "what to expect in the next few chapters" sort of thing. Please Read and Review! (boy that was some long babbling huh?)**_

* * *


	8. Joey's News, Part I

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 8--  
_THE ONE WITH JOEY'S NEWS (PART I)

* * *

Ok, so I know this chapter was not supposed to be an _actual_ chapter, like I said in the end of chapter 7 that 8 will be only like "what to expect in upcoming chapters" but I'm working on editing the previous one to delete me saying that 'cause I changed my mind lol. I'm not a big fan of spoilers. They just sort of…_spoil_ all the fun. Anyway, read on and please read and review afterwards! "GREAT JOEY FAN" _thank u all for ur wonderful comments that keep me going..._

* * *

(Continues where Chapter 7 left us off...)

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is walking back and forth in the living-room, obviously nervous, as Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Mike rush in…so basically everyone lol)_

**Rachel:** Hey!

**Ross:** Hey, Joey, what's up?

**Monica:** Yeah, what's going on? What's the big news you wanna give us that made us rush over here and leave the kids with _mom_?! (She says "mom" with a frown and a disgusted look.)

**Joey:** Uhh… (sighs) Okay, I have big news.

**Chandler:** C'mon, man, what is it?

**Joey:** You guys—I told you guys about my new agent Bobbie, right?

**All but Ross:** Yeah, yes! Sure you did.

**Mike:** Yeah, Bobbie. Yeah.

**Ross:** No, I didn't know about that.

**Mike:** Yeah, oh and Joey slept with her too.

**Ross:** (to Joey) So basically _HE_ knows and _I_ don't.

**Joey:** Anyway, uh, so Bobbie got me an audition for an unbelievable show!

**Rachel:** Oh my god!

**Monica:** Joey that's great!

**Chandler:** So what's the show?

**Joey:** It's, uh, it's called _Nurses_ and uh…umm, it's in L.A.

(Long Silence)

_--Screen Fades to Black--_

_--Fade in again—_

(Everyone is silent for a few seconds)

**Ross:** So, so if you take the job you'll-you'll be moving to L.A.?

**Joey:** Yes, _if_ they like my audition. And, no, really you guys. I hear this show's great.

**Phoebe:** Oh, yeah, what's it about?

**Joey:** Mostly nurses. (Pause) Y'know…nursing and stuff.

**Phoebe:** But Joey, I just—how can you just leave us here? How could you leave the country?

(Pause)

**Joey:** I'm sorry, Pheebs, real sorry but y'know, it's time to say good-bye to the United States of America.

**Rachel:** Joey, you can't leave! 'Cause, I mean, if you leave who's gonna leave dirty underwear in the shower? Or, or! Who am I gonna have to tell to wear underwear every day before going to work?

**Joey:** You guys, I know this is sudden but I haven't been stable in my acting career since…since…since _Sex Actually_!

**Phoebe:** Oh, I **love** that movie!

**Chandler:** Man, you can't leave. It's enough already that Monica and I moved out less than a year ago but now to actually not get to see you…at all—

**Joey:** Hey, I'll still visit. I mean, I mean, I'll come on the holidays and on birthdays and Easter—oh, I am **not** gonna miss Thanksgiving!

(Another silence. They're all completely speechless and just staring at their friend Joey)

**Joey:** I—I'm sorry. This is just-I have to do this, you guys, y'know?

**Monica:** Joey, if I give you ten home-baked chocolate chip cookies, will you stay?

**Joey:** Awe…are we talking about your special _Thanksgiving dessert_ chocolate chip cookies?

**Monica:** Yeah.

**Joey:** We'll see.

**Phoebe:** I-I still can't believe you're gonna-you're gonna move.

**Joey:** I-I know, but I'm not a hundred percent sure I'm moving, 'cause you never know if the producers on the show will like me.

**Phoebe:** Oh, c'mon, Joe, the show's called _Nurses_—it's perfect for you, of course they'll like you!

**Monica:** Alright, I-I gotta go. I mean, I'm shocked obviously. But I gotta go check on Jack and Erica before my mom wrecks them…y'know, like she did with me.

**Chandler:** Bye, honey, I'll meet you there. Oh—and while you're at it, would you tell Richard I say hello?

**Monica:** (chuckles) What?

**Chandler:** Oh, riiiiight! Richard stopped by, says hi.

**Monica:** Richard?

**Ross:** Richard as in "Monica's-extremely-old-ex boyfriend" Richard?

**Chandler:** That's the one!

**Monica:** Richard stopped by? At our house?

**Chandler:** Yeah.

**Monica:** Well, what-what'd he want?

**Chandler:** Hey, do I ask what _your_ buddies want when they come over?

**Monica:** (chuckles) What? "Buddies"?

**Chandler:** That's what they'll call us.

**Monica:** They as in…?

**Chandler:** People.

**Monica:** Well, what'd you guys talk about?

**Chandler:** Oh, we talked about a lot of stuff.

**Monica:** Such as…?

**Chandler:** Poverty, world hunger, politics, you.

**Monica:** Whoa, wait. (Chuckles) You uh you guys talked about me?

**Phoebe:** Oh my god you guys are so pathetic! Go solve your pathetic problems elsewhere! (pushes both Monica and Chandler outside the apartment) God…

**Ross:** Joey, I-I don't know what to say.

**Phoebe:** Oh, I do! I'm pregnant!

**All:** WHAT?! (Monica and Chandler return, Chandler also shocked by the news)

**Phoebe:** I'm pregnant.

**Joey:** Oh my god Pheebs are you sure?

**Phoebe:** Uh-huh.

**Mike:** Honey, I thought you said we were gonna wait till—

**Phoebe:** Mike, shh, I'm talking. (Pause) Yes, Joey, I _am_ with child which is exactly why you should not move to L.A. because Hercules Hannigan would want to see his uncle Joey.

**Ross:** Hercules?

**Phoebe:** Yeah, what do you guys think of Hercules as a name?

**Chandler:** Of a **human**?

**Joey:** Pheebs, I see what you're trying to do here, trying to get me to stay in New York, but if I get this job…

(Pause)

**Rachel:** You're gonna take it.

**Joey:** This is my career.

**Monica:** We are your friends!

**Ross:** Monica! The man's right. It's his career and he's not gonna put his entire career-life on hold just to stick around with his friends…you know, some of whom are getting married soon (he hugs Rachel), others who are having a baby (refers to Phoebe and Mike) and-and, y'know, some of whom who are just simply thoughtless of your life (refers to Monica).

**Chandler:** What about me?

**Phoebe:** No, Joey, don't listen o him. He's just being, y'know, all Ross. All scientific and Ross, y'know? You'd wanna listen to your good floopy friend Pheebs. 'Cause, you know, she's all…floopy and-and Pheebster.

**Joey:** I-I have to go think some stuff. (leaves)

**Chandler:** Wow, that went well. (talking to Ross) Could've been worse, we could've _shot_ you.

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment; time lapse. It is late at night and Joey is watching TV on the recliner as Ross enters with two pizzas.)_

**Ross:** Hey! I brought pizza!

**Joey:** Alright Ross! Woohoo! (gets up, sits at counter and eats) Ok, you can shut the door after you leave. (Ross looks at him.) _Or_...you can stay over and have free dinner with me!

**Ross:** Yeah!

**Joey:** Mm-hmm, this is good.

**Ross:** You think?

**Joey:** Hey, Ross, I just wanna say that I'm sorry man, again, of what happened the other night, y'know with me kissing Rachel then me...telling you about it afterwards.

**Ross:** Then reminding me about it every ten minutes.

**Joey:** Right. Yeah, well, anyway, the point is that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any trouble between the two of you.

**Ross:** That's alright, man. Besides, you wouldn't have told me about it if you weren't such an incredible friend.

**Joey:** Right, yeah, I'm an incredible friend.

**Ross:** You sure are!

**Joey:** Do I have any superpowers?

**Ross:** And anyway, I mean, everything worked out fine. Me and Rachel are engaged, I've forgiven you and everything's worked out for the best.

**Joey:** Yeah, but do I have any superpowers?

**Ross:** Man, I just can't wait to get married, y'know? And then have kids then have more kids.

**Joey:** Seriously? You really looking forward to having _more_ illegitimate kids?

**Ross:** Of course! I mean, I can't _wait_ to have more kids from Rachel. It's always been such an impossible dream for me to be married to Rachel, own a big house in Jersey and always come visit in the summer.

**Joey:** And don't forget your pal Joey Tribbiani in L.A.

**Ross:** (head-down) Oh, right.

**Joey:** (seeing Ross head-down and sad, tries to cheer him up) Who...is Dr. Drake Ramoray, star of Days of Our Lives.

**Ross:** Former.

**Joey:** Former.

**Ross:** (chuckles) Where _is_ Rachel anyway?

**Joey:** Oh, I don't know. I think she's at work 'cause her bedroom door's closed and that's weird.

**Ross:** I'll go check...

_(Cut to Rachel's room where Rachel is folding come clothes on her bed._)

(She stops, sighs then looks around.)

(Rachel approaches her bedstand, opens a drawer and takes out a small brown box. Then she starts taking out some from it...keys, makeup, earrings, etc.)

(Then she takes out a pregnancy test, stares at it and keeps it in her hands)

**Ross (entering):** Hey, Rach? -- Oh.

**Rachel:** (sighs) Ross.

**Ross:** I, uh, Joey said you might not be here and then we saw your door--Rach? Is-is that...

**Rachel:** Ok, Ross, don't freak out okay? This is just--I'm not pregnant. It's just that, well, I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I've been having these moodswings and I've been naseous _all_ day long and let's not forget about my back pains.

**Ross:** These _are_ all signs of pregnancy.

**Rachel:** Yes, but I--I don't _feel_ pregnant. You know? I'll-I'll take the test first thing in the morning.

**Ross:** Okay. (smiles) Why would you think I'd be freaking out? (kisses her, leaves then shuts the door after him)

(Zoom in on Rachel's scared face)

**Rachel:** (silently) Because I am.

**_--Fade to Black--_**

* * *

_**Hope you liked it! Ok, now the title is The One With The Wrecked Christmas, but I'm kinda hoping to keep this story going till a long time, so the title is kind of irrelevant right now (lol) Please tell me if i should go on, 'cause if u dont wanna I can end this is the next chap, in a perfect way...**_

**_Please READ and REVIEW, or just review right now 'cause I'm pretty sure you already read :D i appreciate all comments and hope you're enjoying this! (chapter 9 is now in the works)_**


	9. Joey's News, Part II

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 9--  
_THE ONE WITH JOEY'S NEWS (PART II)

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Hey, it's me again! So glad to start with Chapter 9. I'm so excited and i hope you're enjoying this (really, i do) and thank u for ur comments sooooo much, they really make me smile. Now read on and please Review afterwards--then feel free to check out my (finally) updated profile where you can reach me for spoilers on any fanfic i'm working on. Seriously, why are you reading this thing?! Go read the actual thing...

* * *

(Continues where Chapter 8 left us off...)

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is watching TV on his recliner and eating Dorito chips as Rachel appears from her bedroom, a little sneaky and secretive)_

**Rachel:** (whispering) Hey.

**Joey:** Hey.

**Rachel:** Is he gone? Is Ross-is Ross gone?

**Joey:** Yeah. Awe, Rach, did you guys get in a fight again? Are you guys on a break again?

**Rachel:** (sighs) Oh, no, we're not fighting. I'm just a bit...shaken up. (goes to the fridge)

**Joey:** I see, y'want some Doritos and beer?

**Rachel:** Joey, I'm "shaken up" not "horny and drunk".

**Joey:** Right.. Hey, can you **believe** that Phoebe is pregnant?

**Rachel:** Yeah, I know. It just sounds sort of...weird that Phoebe's gonna have kids that she might even keep.

**Joey:** I know. It's-it's like, it's like non-Pheebster!

**Rachel:** I KNOW!

**Joey:** Yeah.

**Rachel:** I heard she might name the baby "Hercules".

**Joey:** He's screwed.

**Rachel:** Yeah.

**Joey:** God, I still can't believe Phoebe is actually pregnant.

**Rachel:** Oh, c'mon, Joey, she's been pregnant before, so have I and a lot of other people. Get over it!

**Joey:** No, I know, Rach, it's just that...well, I mean, is it really logical for a woman to go through the whole pregnancy scare to the actual birth and raising it up in the city and all...is it really worth it?

**Rachel:** What're you talking about, Joe?

**Joey:** Look, I'm just trying to make a cover-up for why I won't be there when Phoebe gives birth.

**Rachel:** Why **wouldn't** you be there?

**Joey:** If-if I get the job with-with the _Nurses_, I might be in L.A.

**Rachel:** Ohh. Right.

**Joey:** So, alright, listen to this. Which is better, "Phoebe, I'm sorry but I'm invited to dinner."

**Rachel:** What, and so having dinner is more important to you than watching your friend giving birth?

**Joey:** Eating rotten candy and crap is more important to me than that, Rach!

**Rachel:** C'mon, Joey, don't say that.

**Joey:** No, wait, I got a good one too. "Phoebe...Mike, I'm sorry but I just found out my sister's a lesbian."

**Rachel:** Why--why would that postpone you not going to Phoebe's giving-birth?

**Joey:** Because she knows I'll have to think which sister it is!

**Rachel:** Ahh, witty _and_ pretty.

**Joey:** Thanks. Wait, though, "pretty" not like "woman-pretty". You mean "pretty" like (in a rough "man" voice) "manly pretty", right?

(Pause--Rachel just keeps looking at him as she drinks some water)

**Rachel:** Yeah, yeah, Joe, manly pretty.

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's house. Monica and Chandler are entering, with the babies, at night.)_

**Monica:** Chandler, how many times do I have to say "I'm sorry"?

**Chandler:** A couple more times; you broke my middle finger! (shows off the band-aid wrapped around the middle finger of his right hand)

**Monica:** Oh, c'mon, you're not eighteen anymore. What good can it come out of now?

(They enter the house and turn the lights off. Surprise! Richard sits in the living-room, smoking and watching TV)

**Monica:** Oh my god!

**Chandler:** (pointing with his wrapped middle finger) Look, Monica, it's Richard!

**Richard:** Hi, Monica. (gets up) Hi, Chandler. Oh, what happened to your finger?

**Chandler:** Wait till you see what's gonna happen to _your_ finger.

**Monica:** Rrrr-richard?

**Chandler:** See, Mon, I told you Richard's our buddy now! Wow, honey, you can't stop staring at him.

**Monica:** I'm just...shocked, obviously.

**Chandler:** Honey, you're not blinking!

**Monica:** Richard, what're you doing here?

**Richard:** Awe, are these your little kids? (smiles at baby Jack and Erica Bing)

**Chandler:** No, we found them sitting on our front door in a stroller, naked.

**Richard:** Na, I know that didn't happen! You're just being sarcastic! (laughs)

**Chandler:** Suddenly, I have new respect for Janice... (Pause) I'm gonna put the kids to sleep.

**Monica:** Ok.

(Chandler leaves with the babies)

**Richard:** (to the babies) Bye! (turns to Monica) Can they talk? 'Cause it feels like they hate me.

**Monica:** Richard, wha--(sighs) Why are you here?

(Long Pause)

**Richard:** (sighs) I really don't know. Have-have you thought of me, at ALL, in the past few...four years?

**Monica:** No. I'm married now, remember? (shows her the ring) And I have babies now.

**Richard:** Yeah, **_who_** _could_ be speechless, you better watch out.

(Monica sighs and looks at him again. He looks back and they stare for a few seconds)

**Richard:** I want you back.

(Monica is shocked, puts her right hand over her mouth to cover up her stunning look and we see Chandler, eavesdropping at the babies' bedroom door, standing there looking at them.)

(He covers up his mouth too, sarcastically with the hand that has the injured middle-finger)

**THE NEXT MORNING.**

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. It's the next morning (yep, pregnancy results time!) and Joey is watching TV.)_

**Ross (enters, rushing in):** Hey, Joey, is Rachel here?

**Joey:** I don't know, I've been sitting here all night, watching _Baywatch_ reruns and laughing to myself. RACHEL!

(Rachel shows up from her room, stands at the door and shares a look with Ross)

**Ross:** Did you, umm...

**Rachel:** (interrupting) Uh, Joey, can you leave us a minute alone?

**Joey:** Are you kicking me out of my apartment?

**Rachel:** Yes.

**Joey:** Well, no. I'm sorry, Rach, but it's time a good-man's got his dignity back. I mean, this is so unfair, for you just to ask me like that to leave the room--

**Ross (interrupting):** Joey, here's twenty bucks, get outta here. (hands him money)

**Joey:** Woohoo! (takes the bucks and leaves the apartment)

(Long Silence)

**Ross:** Did you take it?

**Rachel:** Ross, do not outrush me.

**Ross:** Rach, I am not out-rushing you!

(Time Lapse. Rachel is now in the kitchen and Ross keeps following her)

**Ross:** Take it now! Take it now! Rach, take the test now!

**Rachel:** Ross! (stares at him)

**Ross: Not**...out-rushing you.

(Time Lapse. Ross is waiting outside the bathroom door, which is closed, and he keeps walking back and forth in the living-room)

**Ross:** Hey, umm, Rach? (knocks a very small quiet knock on the bathroom door)

**Rachel (screaming, scaring Ross away):** ROSS! STOP KNOCKING ON THE DAMN DOOR! YOU ARE NOT MAKING THIS ANY EASIER!! ...or, faster.

**Ross:** Oh, what, it's taking time? Do you want me to come in?

**Rachel (vo from the bathroom):** NO!! I WANT YOU TO LEAVE, THAT'S WHAT I WANT!

(Time Lapse. Bathroom door's still closed, Ross sits, knees up, on the floor, back to the bathroom door, depressed.)

**Rachel (vo from the bathrom):** (very quietly) Ross, I'm sorry. I did not mean to yell at you like that. It's just that...(sighs) You were really excited and upsetting me and-and...

**Ross: Not** out-rushing you.

**Rachel (vo...):** Ugh, I get that!

(Time Lapse. Ross and Rachel are now sitting, knees up, backs to the closed bathroom door, anxiously awaiting the results)

**Ross:** Please be pregnant... Please be pregnant... Please be pregnant...

**Rachel:** Oh, yes, absolutely. Pregnant... please god!!

**Ross:** (sighs) So what do you wanna talk about, y'know till the results are in?

**Rachel:** I don't know, anything. How was work?

**Ross:** (really fast) Work was good, did you pee right?

**Rachel:** Ugh!! (puts her hand on her forehead)

**Ross:** How much time?

**Rachel:** (looking at a timer in her hand) TWENTY-seven seconds.

(Ross sighs. A small pause)

**Ross:** How much time now?

**Rachel:** 24.

**Ross:** Now?

**Rachel:** 23.

**Ross:** Now?

**Rachel:** Ross, don't make me throw you out of that window 'cause I will, I'll do it, I swear to god I'll do it Ross!

(Another long silence)

**Ross:** Rachel, do you want to have this baby?

(Rachel turns and looks at him, smiling)

**Rachel:** Right now, Ross... I want to kill you.

(Time Lapse. They both have fallen asleep on each other, outside the bathroom)

(The timer goes on and they both jump in shock.)

**Ross:** Oh.. ohh god.

**Rachel:** What happened, wha--

**Ross:** It's--it's time, Rachel. It's time.

**Rachel:** Okay.

**Ross:** Do you want me to go in _for_ you?

**Rachel:** No, 'cause then you'll do your stupid dramatic soap-opera slow-motion thing.

**Ross:** Ok, well go. Honey, go.

(They both stand-up straight, Rachel sighs and touches the handle of the bathroom door. She opens it and goes in.)

(After five seconds, she returns, Ross stands still, hands crosses to each other, head down.)

(He looks up, stares at Rachel who is looking down at the pregnancy test which is in her hands)

(Rachel fixes a strand of her hair behind her ear then looks up at Ross, speechlessly silent.)

**Ross:** (coughs) So?

(An awkward pause)

**Rachel:** It's negative.

(A very long silence. Ross seems crushed, he looks down)

**_--Fade to Black--_**

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_**Hey, hope you likes this one! Nice cliffhanger? I hope chapter 10 will be out soon. please leave me reviews on what you thought about this!! Thank u for reading it all through!! (I found this chapter, honest opinion, the most fun to write)**_

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	10. The After Shock

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 10--  
_THE ONE WITH THE AFTER SHOCK

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Hello—again. I'm so glad to start with chapter 10 so soon already and I just cannot thank u enough for your wonderful comments and reviews (thank u soooo much) that keep me going all the way to 10 chapters! Hopefully, more chaps. to come and please keep me updated with your comments then tell me what I need to fix to make this story fill your needs and please you :D  then visit my profile/bio for spoilers or to vote on whether this story should go beyond 10—make it 11 chapters. THANK U SO MUCH…

* * *

(Continues where Chapter 9 left us off...)

**Joey (voice-over):** Previously on Friends…

**Rachel:** It doesn't mean that I'm pregnant… I'll take the test first thing in the morning.

**Ross:** (coughs) So?

**Rachel:** (silently) It's negative.

--FADE TO BLACK—

_(Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is there with Monica (and the kids) and Phoebe.)_

**Rachel:** You guys, I just… (sighs) When I was taking the test, I was _so_ petrified. I was so scared and for some reason I did not want to be pregnant. But then, when I found out I wasn't, somehow…for some _other_ reason apparently, I was so crushed. I did not expect myself to be so saddened by the news that I'm not pregnant.

**Phoebe:** Maybe you _wanted_ to be pregnant, you just didn't know it.

**Rachel:** I don't know—I, maybe.

**Phoebe:** Or maybe when you found out that _I'm_ pregnant, you just got jealous and wanted to conceive.

**Rachel:** What?

**Monica:** (puts a hand on Rachel's) How does Ross feel?

(Pause)

**Rachel:** (sighs) God, you shoulda seen his face. He was _so_ crushed. It made me so sad.

**Monica:** Did he…handle it well?

_(Flash to Joey & Rachel's apartment, it's one night earlier. Continuing where the previous chapter left… Ross just found out the test is negative)_

**Ross:** NEGATIVE? IT'S NEGATIVE?! Why, god, why?! (he jumps on the recliner and starts screaming)

_(Back to Central Perk…)_

**Rachel:** Yeah, you can say he took it pretty well.

_(Flash to Joey & Rachel's… Rachel is standing by the counter, test still in her hands and looking at her room)_

**Rachel:** No, no, Ross! No, don't throw yourself out the window! No! (runs after him, to her room)

_(Back to Central Perk…)_

**Rachel:** Yeah, he was really awfully calm and _very_, oh very emotionless of his feelings.

**Monica:** Okay. Rach, how did _you_ handle this?

(Rachel remains silent)

_(Flash to Joey & Rachel's… Rachel is kissing Ross goodbye at the door)_

**Rachel:** You sure you don't want me to walk you to your apartment, Ross?

**Ross:** No, I'm good.

**Rachel:** 'Cause, I mean, don't _look_ good, Ross.

**Ross:** (clears throat) My throat hurts, that's all.

**Rachel:** Well, sure, the screaming explains it all. Bye, I love you.

**Ross:** (trying hard to speak) Love you too.

(They kiss, Ross leaves and Rachel shuts the door)

**Ross (voice-over):** No!! Why? God, why isn't she pregnant?!

**Rachel:** Ross!

**Ross (voice-over):** (calmly) Sorry.

(Rachel sighs, puts the test on the kitchen counter and starts to go to her room when she stops in a freeze, returns to the kitchen, stops at the counter and holds the pregnancy test again)

(She stares at it and a tear falls down her cheek)

**Joey (enters):** (calm) Hey…

**Rachel:** Oh, hey, hey Joe. What's up? (She quickly turns around, hides the test in her pants and wipes her tears)

**Joey:** Not much, I went over to _Jack's Pizza_. Can you believe that guy makes, like, the worst pizza in the world?

**Rachel:** Joey, it's ten in the morning.

**Joey:** Yeah, I went to Hooters too. (Pause) So, you fixed things with Ross?

**Rachel:** Oh, no, yeah we're great! Great. Everything was already fixed actually. (chuckles)

**Joey:** 'Cause I saw him screaming, something about why isn't she pregnant…or something.

**Rachel:** Oh, yeah, we were watching this movie… The whole thing is about a woman trying to get married but she can't.

**Joey:** Ohh. How does it end?

**Rachel:** How does _what_ end?

**Joey:** The movie.

**Rachel:** Ohh… She tries to conceive but doesn't get pregnant.

**Joey:** Oh. Do they at least show us her _trying_ to get pregnant?

**Rachel:** It's not a porno movie, Joey!

**Joey:** Sounds porno.

**Rachel:** (sighs) I'm gonna go to work. I'm gonna get dressed.

**Joey:** O-kay, and I'm off to talk to my agent about _Nurses_.

**Rachel:** Have fun.

**Joey:** You too… (laughing) I can't believe you still go to work. That is so old-fashioned. (goes to his work)

(Rachel quickly goes to the trash can, disposed the pregnancy test and then rushes into her room and shuts the door)

_(Back in Central Perk…_)

**Rachel:** Oh, no, yeah, I took it pretty well too. Yeah, no, and Joey sure helped a lot. We spent the entire day talking about it, him trying to make me feel good and everything…

**Phoebe:** Really? Oh that's great.

**Rachel:** (smiles at first) Yeah, okay no! No, ok? I'm a-I'm a total nerve-wreck and a-and a complete liar. I just lied about everything, Ross didn't handle it well, he screamed and he screamed and tried to kill himself and I cried and I cried and never told Joey about it okay? Okay, so stop—stop judging me but I'm not fine! (she cries)

**Monica:** Rach?

**Rachel:** Look, it just…it kills me to see how Ross… You should've seen just how bad Ross wanted me to—and I just completely—(crying) He was so crushed.

**Phoebe:** Come here. Come here, all you need is a hug from Phoebe.

(Rachel hugs Phoebe and Phoebe starts playing with Rachel's hair)

**Rachel:** (crying) Awe, you have a nice belly—damn, I forgot you're pregnant!

(Rachel breaks her hug with Phoebe and hugs Monica)

**Phoebe:** Ooh, she has moisty hair.

**Rachel:** I _just_ took a shower before I got here! (cries some more)

**Phoebe:** Ooh I _**love**_ the hair!

_(Scene: Bobbie's office. Bobbie is sitting to her desk as Joey enters)_

**Bobbie:** Oh hey! There's my favorite star!

**Joey:** Awww…get me more jobs and I'll give you more money.

**Bobbie:** I see. So how are you, Joey?

**Joey:** Good. So did you talk to the producers?

**Bobbie:** I sure did.

**Joey:** And do I get an interview?

**Bobbie:** They're looking forward to meeting you next week, Friday at 4pm.

(Pause)

**Joey:** Wh—Friday? That soon?

**Bobbie:** Yes. They're looking forward to launching the new show before Spring.

**Joey:** So-so, I have to go on Friday?

**Bobbie:** Yes, and if they like you, by Monday maximum you'll have to move to L.A.

**Joey:** (shocked) M-Monday? That-that soon?

**Bobbie:** Yes, Tribbiani, and I've already spoken to your sister Gina about our situation. She says she'll be more than glad to meet you at the airport.

**Joey:** How do you know I have a sister in L.A.?

**Bobbie:** Oh, I did tequila shots with her too once! (Pause) She was six months pregnant with her Michael. (Pause) Oh, I know a lot about you, Joey. So, is your nephew still single? (winks)

(Joey is still shocked)

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is putting on his tie while Ross whines while sitting on the couch and watches TV)_

**Ross:** I mean, Chandler, you can't believe how incredibely sad that made me feel. In fact, just the previous night Joey and I were talking about this and I told him how bad I wanted to have another kid from Rachel. Why, why-why is god so mean?!

**Chandler:** Dude, I don't think you're supposed to say that.

**Ross:** Chandler, what do I do? I was putting my hopes up for this.

**Chandler:** But you took it well, though, right? I mean, in front of Rachel?

**Ross:** oh, yeah, totally. I was completely calm and very sincere. In-in fact, she was all like "aaaahhh" and I was like, "It's okay honey, rach, it'll be alright--No, Rach, get back over here! Don't throw yourself off the window! Rachel!" y'know?

**Chandler:** Yeah, yeah, sounds just like you man.

**Ross:** I know. (sighs) I-I can't believe...I just wanna...

**Chandler:** I know, I know. Look, maybe-maybe you can like pull the wedding closer a bit, y'know? Maybe _that_'ll make you feel better.

**Ross:** What-what do y'mean?

**Chandler:** I'm just saying, assign a date.

**Ross:** Wow, that's a - that's a wonderful idea, Chandler, thanks! Man, you are smart!

**Chandler:** You're welcome.

**Ross:** I'll see ya later, man, alright? I'll-I'll-we'll grab a drink later alright?

**Chandler:** Sure, any place you wanna check out?

**Ross:** I'll be waiting at Central Perk. (leaves)

**Chandler:** Oh, no, we're gonna get _drunk_.

_(Scene: Central Perk. Everyone but Ross and Rachel are there, waiting.)_

**Joey:** It's been three days, haven't it?

**Monica:** Yeah.

**Phoebe:** And Rachel didn't say anything to you? Nothing at all?

**Joey:** No, I would barely even see her. I would go to sleep before she'd even come home then she'd leave before I'd wake up. It's, like, the universe does not want us to be together! (They all look at him.) You...you know how I meant it...

**Mike:** You think something happened to him?

**Phoebe:** No, I'm sure that's not it, Mike. I mean, they're engaged right now. They probably just have so much to catch up on. I mean, I'm _sure_ nothing's happened to--OH MY GOD, MIKE, SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM! Oh, my god they got in a car accident! (gasps) Ross smoke pot again!

(Ross and Rachel enter)

**Rachel:** Hey, you guys.

**All:** Hey!

**Chandler:** Hey, you're alive!

**Joey:** Yeah.

**Ross:** What're you talking about?

**Joey:** Where the hell have you guys been for the past three days?

**Ross:** Y'know, around.

**Monica:** Oh, "around". Oh I don't know why we didn't look _there_!

**Phoebe:** Where the hell have you guys been?

**Ross:** Ok, we have been making wedding plans.

**Phoebe:** Ooh, I hear wedding bells.

**Rachel:** Of crouse, Pheebs, we're engaged. (shows her the ring on her finger)

**Phoebe:** (staring up-close at Rachel's hand) Oh, hey, that's so small. Gee, Ross, you're such a tiny-weeny.

**Ross:** Anyway, what are you guys doing...in seventeen days?

**Monica: **Seventeen?

**Chandler:** (to Monica) Honey, isn't that when we have a Yoga class together? (Joey and Ross look at him.) Oh, seven-_teen_! I thought you said...twenty-three!

**Joey:** Good save.

**Rachel:** (staring at him, shaking her head) Yeah!

**Phoebe:** Ross, what's in seventeen days?

(Ross and Rachel trade looks)

**Rachel:** We're getting married in seventeen days!

(Rachel smiles endlessly and everyone else shrieks in excitement)

**All:** Oh my god that's great!

**Joey:** That's awesome!

**Phoebe:** I'm so happy for you! So, are we invited?

**Ross:** We'll think about it Pheebs.

**Phoebe:** Wee-hee.

**Monica:** This is so great.

**Rachel:** I know! Isn't it? My mom's coming over tomorrow and we're going to buy a dress. Now I already got my eye on one but I really need my mother's opinion.

**Phoebe:** Oh.

**Rachel:** Ok, kidding. Screw my mom, you girls are coming with me!

**Monica:** Wow, I love wedding dresses-shopping!

**Phoebe:** This is so cool. Rach, maybe afterwards we'll go to a bar and hit on guys.

(They look at her.)

**Rachel:** Phoebe, I'm getting married! ...God, and you're pregnant! ...With Mike! ...And he's right _there_! (points at Mike)

**Mike:** (waves) Hi.

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is the only one there, standing in the kitchen, talking on the phone.)_

**Joey:** (on phone) Hi, yeah, Bobbie. It's Joey. (pause) Tribbiani. Yeah, I needed to talk to you about that whole L.A. thing. Uhh...I can't do it. (pause) Yeah, call the producers, tell 'em I'm turning down _Nurses_. (pause) I know, saying it sounds weird too, doesn't it?!

--FADE TO BLACK--

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**_I hope you liked Chatper 10 of TOW THE WRECKED CHRISTMAS! Please review this chapter--tell me if you liked it, shall i continue, stop or what?? i luv it when u review! pleeease_**

**_Thanks for reading this, and hopefully ill start with 11 soon. check my profile/bio for spoilers and vote on my poll! thanks.  
MISS YA, CATHY :)_**

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	11. All The Wedding Plans

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 11--  
_THE ONE WITH ALL THE WEDDING PLANS

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I hope you'll enjoy chapter 11! Hopefully after you read this you'll review it and leave me some comments (maybe u could tell me how to make this even better?) of course I thank everyone who's left me some comments already, I really appreciate it from all of u guys. Now, here goes Chapter 11.

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(Continues where Chapter 10 left us off...)

**--THREE DAYS AFTER CHAPTER 10--**

_(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The apartment is full of marked boxes while Monica and Rachel are sitting to the kitchen counter, in front of each other, looking down at Monica's wedding book thing (the pink one, remember?) discussing Rachel & Ross's wedding.)_

**Monica:** Okay, now, do you wanna have lilies or roses? Lilies are more elegant but roses seem to have a sort of…touch.

**Rachel:** Well, I _adore_ lilies.

**Monica:** (writing down) So roses. (Beat) Now, let's discuss food matters.

**Rachel:** Ooh, you read my mind. We got leftover pizza! (opens the fridge)

**Monica:** No, Rach, honey, I meant food matters at the _wedding_.

**Rachel:** Ugh, but I'm hungry.

**Monica:** Rachel, you have less than fifteen days to walk down that isle.

**Rachel:** Fine—(returning to her seat) But I like _you_ less.

**Monica:** Now, I've already informed the staff at the restaurant of your wedding—

**Rachel:** (interrupting) Really? Oh, what'd they say? Were they surprised?

**Monica:** Well, a little. Now, anyway—

**Rachel:** (interrupting) What'd Marissa say? Was she annoyed, 'cause I think she's in love with Ross and now I'm not gonna use the S word but SLUT!

**Monica:** Rach…

**Rachel:** You're right, you're right. Sorry, I'm sorry. Back to the wedding.

**Monica:** Now we wanna talk about your dress.

**Rachel:** Oh, already have an eye on one. You guys saw it with me when we went shopping two days ago.

**Monica:** Yes, but you're not actually thinking of buying that, are you?

**Rachel:** Yeah I am, Monica, I love that dress. Why are you doing this to me?

**Monica:** Rach, it's too overpriced.

**Rachel:** Ross's paying!

(Phoebe enters)

**Phoebe:** Hey, you're never gonna believe this. I've gained two pounds.

**Monica:** Good for you, Pheebs. (quickly turning back to Rachel) Rach, you can't spend too much on a dress. Weddings cost a lot of money and you can't—

**Rachel:** (interrupting, to Phoebe) Aw, Phoebe, honey I'm sorry. I remember when that started happening to me when _I_ was pregnant. Gosh, I freaked out. I even woke up Ross in the middle of the night just so that he'd tell me, "Rach, you're not fat."

**Monica:** Rachel…

**Rachel:** Oooh, goody! Monica, we've found our band for the ceremony! (points at Phoebe)

(Rachel is smiling, obviously serious, while Monica stares at her and Phoebe is smiling too)

**Phoebe:** Oh my god are you serious?!

**Rachel:** Are you kidding me? You're gonna be the best!

**Phoebe:** Yay!

(They hug)

**Phoebe:** Ooh, can I sing "Smelly Cat"?

**Rachel:** Sure, whatever you want.

**Phoebe:** Ooh-ooh, and "Smelly Cat Remix"? (Beat) And how about "How He Knocked Her Up"?

**Rachel:** Yeah, we'll talk later.

**Monica:** Rach, now comes the tough part.

**Rachel:** (sighs) Oh, no…

**Monica:** You have to pick a maid of honor.

**Rachel:** Oh, that's easy. Phoebe!

**Monica:** What?!

**Phoebe:** Really?

**Rachel:** Yeah. Oh, Mon, how about you just end up being my wedding-planner?

**Monica:** (smiles) That sounds good.

**Rachel:** Even though you have a history as being a bad wedding-planner.

**Monica: **What?!

**Phoebe:** (nodding) It's true, you do.

**Monica:** What're you talking about?

**Rachel:** Phoebe's wedding?

**Monica:** SHE WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT HER ENTIRE LIFE STORY!

**Phoebe:** Ok, Rach?

**Rachel:** Yeah?

**Phoebe:** As your maid of honor, may I have a maid-of-honor wedding-related suggestion?

**Rachel:** Sure.

**Phoebe:** (pointing at Monica) Kick her out.

(Ross enters)

**Ross:** Hey, what you—

**Monica & Phoebe:** No, no, no, no! Leave! Leave!

**Ross:** What? Oh, were you girls talking about me?

**Phoebe:** We're talking about the wedding, which you have completely no business in so leave!

**Ross:** What? C'mon, I wanna get in on some—

**Phoebe:** LEAVE!!

**Ross:** Okay! Okay! Fine, I'll leave. Just, uh, Rach… I called a couple of guys and they're coming later tonight to pick up your stuff.

**Rachel:** Okay, I already packed.

**Ross:** Alright. Bye, love you.

**Rachel:** Love you too, Ross! Sorry about the screaming!

(Ross leaves)

**Phoebe:** (to Rachel) Wow, so you moving in with Ross, huh? Such a big step forward.

(Rachel and Monica glare at her.)

**Rachel:** Pheebs, I'm getting married.

**Phoebe:** God, do you remember when we were all single? It was such a magical time. We were single, free, loose…

**Monica:** Crazy, desperate, stupid.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, but it was still a little fun too, right?

(Pause)

**Monica:** Well…

**Rachel:** Of course it was. Look, stop! Stop making me freak out alright?

**Monica:** Aw, someone having cold feet?

**Rachel:** Maybe?

**Phoebe:** Then why don't you take a hot shower to warm them up? We'll be waiting for you outside. (pushes her to the bathroom and shuts the door on her)

**Rachel (voice over):** Pheebs, I don't think that's what she meant by "cold feet".

**Monica:** No, no, no, that-that _is_ what I meant. (writing down) Greene 1, Geller 2. (laughs)

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's living room in the big house. Joey is eating chips (his beer is on its way) as Chandler and Ross are entering from the kitchen with three beers.)_

**Ross:** Here, Joey.

(Joey takes the beer and starts to put it on the coffee table)

(Ross and Chandler freak out)

**Ross:** Aahh.

**Chandler:** Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Coaster! (grabs a coaster and places it under Joey's beer) Y'know, Monica.

**Joey:** Thanks, man.

**Chandler:** (to Ross) Ok, so you're getting married huh?

**Ross:** Probably.

**Chandler:** You up for it?

**Ross:** Absolutely.

**Chandler:** Where're you taking her for the honeymoon?

**Ross:** How about the Virgin Islands?

**Joey and Chandler:** Ooh. Nice.

**Joey:** (smiling) Thinkin' about making it _non_-Virgin anymore?

(Ross and Chandler just stare at him.)

**Ross:** (to Joey) What're you doing?!

**Joey:** Dude, I'm crazy. I turned down _Nurses_.

**Chandler:** Hey, Ross, I got a question for you. Rachel took that pregnancy test; it turned out to be negative…

**Ross:** Thanks, I love remember such fond memories of my life. (has a sip of his beer)

**Chandler:** Wait for it. Then the next day, the two of you just disappeared. Then you come to us, saying you guys are getting married in seventeen days. What, what happened? Where were you and how'd you come up with the seventeen-days thingy?

**Ross:** I, uh, we just went out, thought about it and picked a random date. (has another sip)

**Chandler:** Don't give me the short, un-extended, not-**true** version.

(Ross sighs)

**Ross:** Fine, I took her to the planetarium…

_(Flashback scene to a dark planetarium where Ross and Rachel are entering. Rachel is blind-folded and walking in first. Ross is helping her)_

**Rachel:** Ross, where are you taking me?

**Ross:** You'll see.

**Rachel:** Can I take the blindfold off now?

**Ross:** There y'go.

(He takes it off and Rachel stands there, just staring at nothing. Completely dark)

**Rachel:** Oh, yeah, wow! _**Ama**_-zing!

**Ross:** Wait for it.

(In a few seconds, little light begins to appear and we can see lilies everywhere around the place, there are stars and it's completely breathtaking and very romantic. Rachel stares in awe and seems speechlessly shocked by the spectacular view)

**Rachel:** Oh my god.

**Ross:** This is where I've always imagined asking you to marry me…not in Monica and Chandler's kitchen.

(They share a laugh. Rachel is in tears)

**Ross:** Look.

(He points up and one of those chopper things are flying by carrying a sign that says "Rachel, Will You Marry Me?")

**Rachel:** (gasping) Oh my god.

**Ross:** I'm on fire to know your answer.

(They share a chuckle)

**Rachel:** (crying) I love you.

**Ross:** I love you too.

(They hug)

**Ross:** Let's get married. And soon.

**Rachel:** Ok, you wanna go to Vegas and get drunk again?

(They share a laugh)

**Ross:** Ok, not _that_ soon.

**Rachel:** How about…in one month?

**Ross:** Twenty days.

**Rachel:** Ten.

**Ross:** Whoa, there's gonna be a lot of preparing.

**Rachel:** Fifteen.

**Ross:** Sixteen.

**Rachel:** Seventeen.

(A pause)

(They laugh.)

**Ross:** Let's get married in seventeen days.

(They smile and kiss)

(A beeper goes on)

**Ross:** Ugh!

**Rachel:** What is it?

**Ross:** It's 9-1-1 at the museum. I'm sorry.

**Rachel:** Go ahead. Ooh, let's get married at the museum!

(Pause)

**Ross:** Suddenly, Vegas doesn't sound so bad right now.

_(Back to present time… Ross, Chandler and Joey)_

**Chandler:** Ok, I didn't exactly ask for the long, boring, detailed version either.

**Joey:** Hey, Ross, why _don't_ you guys get married at a museum? I could be, like, a tour guide and the dead dinosaurs can be your ring-boy and your flower girl!

(Ross just looks at him again.)

**Chandler:** That's just the beer and him turning down _Nurses_ talking.

(The girls enter)

**The Guys:** Aahh! No, no, no! Leave, leave, leave!

**The Girls:** What?

**Joey:** You gotta leave, we're discussing some _serious_, serious wedding-stuff over here that you three have no business about.

**Chandler:** C'mon, leave.

**Monica:** This is my house!

**Joey:** Oh, _you're_ welcome to stay then.

**Phoebe:** No, we're not stayin'. We're just here to tell you guys we're going out.

**Ross:** Out where?

**Phoebe:** Not to a bar or a strip club but to a Bat Mitzvah where do you THINK?

**Chandler:** You're going to a bar?

**Phoebe:** It's this lady's (referring to Rachel) last couple of days of single…hood.

**Monica:** We're goin' out to celebrate.

**Rachel:** Bye! (gives Ross some kisses in the air)

**Ross:** Love you, and be careful!

(The girls leave)

**Phoebe (voice-over):** We're getting drunk and laid tonight!

**Joey:** This is so unfair, if _they're_ out at a bar why do _we_ have to stick here listen to Ross talk about his second-proposal to the same woman?! Aagh, take me with you! (starts to run for the door)

**Chandler:** Joey!

**Ross:** Joey, no. (stops him) We're gonna get out and have fun. Just not yet.

**Chandler:** Yeah, we'll just wait till _they_ leave… (a car engine is heard taking off) …grab your coat, we're going to a strip club.

(Chandler and Ross get up quickly while Joey rushes for the door before them.)

(The guys leave then Joey comes back in again)

**Chandler:** What?

**Ross:** Did he forget something?

(Joey rushes to the coffee-table, takes a gulp of his beer and puts his hand into the chips. He takes out a bunch of chips and they're falling down as he rushes to the door)

**Joey:** Go, go, go!

(Chandler shakes his head and shuts the door after them.)

_(Scene: A bar. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting at the counter of the bar (seated in order from left to right, as stated before).)_

**Bartender:** What can I get you girls?

**Phoebe:** Vodka!

**Rachel:** Phoebe, you're pregnant.

**Phoebe:** Diet Coke!

**Bartender:** And for you girls?

**Monica:** Same here.

**Rachel:** Yeah.

**Bartender:** (to Man) Three diet cokes.

**Man:** Oh, yeah _that's_ hot.

**Bartender:** (to Phoebe, flirting) So, pregnant lady, you seeing someone right now?

**Phoebe:** Umm, not currently. But, but you should know, if you wanna go out with me, you should know that my breasts--(whispering) They can detect weather.

(Bartender seems stunned.)

**Phoebe:** That's right.

(He runs off)

**Rachel:** Awe, I'm gonna miss being single, all the fun and everything.

**Phoebe:** Me too. (smiles to herself)

(Rachel seems silent)

(Zoom in on Rachel's face)

(flashback to Rachel and Joey's kiss in an earlier chapter)

(Back to present time...Rachel was dreaming)

**Monica:** Rach, you ok?

**Rachel:** What?

**Monica:** Our Diet Cokes are ready.

**Rachel:** Ohh.

**Phoebe:** Were you dreaming of Ross?

**Rachel:** (chuckles) Ohh. Um, yeah. Yeah...

**_FADE TO BLACK._**

* * *

_**Please leave me some reviews and comments about this! I hope you liked this chapter, hopefully you'll come in for chapter 12.**_

_**Chapter 12 will be published soon… :D plzz Review!! Thank u loads and I hope this was entertaining…**_

* * *

**Rachel:** ...I'm not gonna use the S word but SLUT!

This quote was actually said by someone else in an episode of _Ugly Betty_. Just to clear that up.


	12. At The Bars

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 12--  
_THE ONE AT THE BARS

* * *

Hey, sorry it took me a while to update but I was busy lol :P go figure, right? I hope you'll enjoy my newest update of this fanfic story: Chapter 12 and I would really appreciate if you would review afterwards. Your comments are very useful and thanks to those who're Reading n Reviewing. Here's chapter 12…

* * *

(Continues where Chapter 11 left us off...)

_(Scene: A bar. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are still sitting on the bar/counter drinking their Diet Cokes and talking)_

**Monica:** How're you feeling now, Pheebs?

**Phoebe:** No, I feel pretty good. Ooh, I feel _pretty_ too—but never mind, I always feel pretty.

**Monica:** God, you can't believe how happy I am for you, for being pregnant.

**Phoebe:** I know, I'm happy for me too.

**Monica:** Have you thought of any names yet?

**Phoebe:** Of course!

**Rachel:** (_sighing in frustration_) Oh god you're not gonna talk about Hercules or Phoeb-**o** or Jinxie or Darwin now, are ya?

**Phoebe:** Fine.

**Monica: **Fine.

**Rachel:** Fine it is, then.

(Silence)

**Monica:** Richard wants me back.

**Rachel:** What?

**Phoebe:** What?! Richard? Richard as in "your crazy ex-boyfriend Richard"?

**Monica:** Yes, and he's not crazy.

**Phoebe:** No, I meant in bed.

**Monica:** What?

**Phoebe:** Never mind me, I'm pregnant.

**Rachel**: So how is that possible? Where did you even run _into_ Richard?

**Monica:** He, uh, he broke into our house and was watching TV in our living room and apparently he's "buddies" with Chandler now! I mean, what, are Ross and Joey not good enough anymore?

**Rachel:** So, what, he just told you he wants you back? Just like that, in front of Chandler?

**Monica:** No, Chandler wasn't even in the room. He was putting the kids to sleep, he-he didn't know and I didn't tell him.

**Phoebe:** So what'd you tell him?

**Monica:** Nothing, Phoebe I just said I didn't tell him about Richard!

**Phoebe:** No, what did you tell _Richard_?

**Monica:** Well, I said I was married. I said I'm happily married and that I have kids that I love and that-I, I can't do that. I said I don't love him anymore.

**Phoebe:** (_drinking from her Coke_) Oh, so you lied.

**Monica:** What? Phoebe! I didn't lie!

**Phoebe:** Okay, so you used lying as your saving protection plan.

**Monica:** No! I-I didn't, I didn't use anything! I really do not love Richard anymore!

**Phoebe:** Ok, like, what's with all the lies?

**Rachel:** Don't you think you should talk to Chandler about this?

**Monica:** No. I mean, I wanted to, but then he'd get mad and I just-he's friends with Richard now, y'know? I mean, I honestly never expected them to be but…I don't wanna, like, jeopardize their friendship over nothing. You know, just like you and Joey.

(Rachel clears her throat after hearing the word "Joey")

**Rachel:** Umm, uh…Like me and-like, me and Joey? Joey?

**Monica:** Yeah. I mean, let's say, hypothetically that Joey told you he loved you.

**Rachel:** WHAT?! MONICA, I'M GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!

**Phoebe:** She said "hypothetically". (_turns to Monica_) Does he?

**Monica:** No! I-I don't know, no! Ok? Look, let's say Joey says he wants you back, Rach. What would you tell him, knowing that you don't wanna jeopardize his friendship with Ross?

**Rachel:** Well… (clears throat) I would uh I would tell him that I'm getting married in a week and a half and that, uh, well y'know that I can't do anything about it.

**Monica:** And that you don't love him.

**Rachel:** Well, right, yeah. That too.

(Phoebe breaks the tension of the moment by raising her glass of Coke)

**Phoebe:** Ok, I would like to propose a toast.

**Monica:** Ah.

(Monica and Rachel raise their glasses of Coke too)

**Phoebe:** …to, um, to Rachel and Ross.

**Rachel:** Awww.

**Phoebe:** …and Phoebe! …And to baby Princess Consuela Buffay-Hannigan! (touches her pregnant belly)

**Monica:** That's sweet.

**Phoebe:** And to friendship.

**Monica:** To friendship.

(Monica and Rachel are ready to cling glasses until…)

**Phoebe:** To long, ever-lasting friendship.

(Monica and Rachel smile and are ready to cling glasses again, of course until…)

**Phoebe** cont'd**:** To life, to babies, to crazy ex-boyfriends who want their married neat-freak ex-girlfriends back.

**Monica:** (laughing) Okay.

(Monica and Rachel are clinging glasses and then…)

**Phoebe:** …And to the wonderfulness of—

**Rachel:** (interrupting) OKAY!

**Monica:** Just drink! Drink!

(They all cling glasses and finally drink)

**Phoebe:** Whoa, that was strong.

**Rachel:** It's a diet coke.

**Phoebe:** I have allergies. Ooh, ooh, peeing alert. Stay clear of me, people! (she goes to the bathrooms)

(Monica and Rachel laugh as they watch her go)

**Rachel:** She is…

**Monica:** …a hostile, angry pregnant lady. (A woman comes from the direction Phoebe went from, with a black eye) She's pregnant and very sorry about that!

**Rachel:** Ah… This is nice.

**Monica:** Yeah, I don't think that's what she's gonna say in the morning. (referring to the black-eyes lady)

**Rachel:** No, I mean this. Us just, y'know, hanging out again. Pretending to be single and all.

**Monica:** Yeah, it's overwhelming though. So, tell me, how many guests are you and Ross thinking of inviting?

**Rachel:** No, no, no, no, no, Monica, no wedding-stuff alright? No talking about the wedding. We'll deal with that in the morning, when Phoebe's throwing up, I'm drunk and _you're_ cleaning in your sleep again!

**Monica:** (laughs) Fine, fine…

**Bartender:** (approaching Monica & Rachel) Ok, your bathroom pregnant friend, she's gotta go.

**Monica:** What?

**Bartender:** She just sent 3 people to the emergency room already!

**Rachel:** Sorry.

**Monica:** Sorry about that.

**Man:** (approaching Bartender) Pregnant lady's throwing up on the mirrors.

**Bartender:** OH GOD! (leaves)

**Rachel:** Can we get 3 more Cokes please, before you go?

_(Scene: A different bar. It's the guy's turn. Chandler, Joey and Ross are sitting on the bar/counter in the correct order as listed from left to right. They're having beer.)_

**Ross:** Do you know how long it's been since I've been to a bar?

**Joey:** Do you know how long it's been since you've seen another woman's breasts?

**Ross:** Shut up, you turned down _Nurses_.

**Chandler:** Man's gotta point.

**Ross:** I'm gonna miss this. Y'know, us hanging out together, drinkin' beer, laughing, making fun of Joey's turning down _Nurses_.

**Joey:** Enough with that already.

**Chandler:** So, Ross, how long are you planning on staying married _this_ time?

**Ross:** Oh, no-no, this is for real. This is for real this time. No screwing up, no time for divorce. Divorce-divorce is off the table.

**Joey:** For real?

**Ross:** Yeah, I mean, I can't let _this_ marriage end. I'll be the lonely desperate dude who got divorce 4 times and lives in a van.

**Chandler:** Yeah, you're probably right.

**Joey:** How big is that van?

**Ross:** I just, I _have_ to make this one work, y'know? I gotta try hard, not screw this up again. Not be a complete jackass.

**Chandler:** Not sleep with the copygirl.

**Joey:** Or say the phrase "WE WERE ON A BREAK!"

**Ross:** Yeah. (holds up his beer) To no screw-ups.

**Joey and Chandler:** (holding up their beers) To no screw-ups!

**Joey:** And hopefully more break-ups in the future. (Ross looks at him.) The far, _far_ future.

**Chandler:** Oh, yeah, I'm drinking to that.

**Ross:** Cheers.

(Chandler and Ross have a sip then put their beer down on the counter as they notice Joey is gulping the entire bottle)

**Chandler:** Done?

**Joey:** (without a breath) Yeah.

**Ross:** Three more drinks, please. to Chandler So, Chandler, heard an ex of yours is replacing your old apartment.

**Joey:** A _very_ annoying ex of yours.

**Chandler:** Oh, you mean Janice?

**Ross:** Possibly.

**Chandler:** Yeah, this woman's never gonna leave me the hell alone. I mean, do you know what it cost Monica and I to get her not be our neighbor?

**Ross:** No, what?

**Chandler:** A kiss! (pause) Yeah, a filthy, disgusting, one helluva kiss.

**Joey:** So did you talk to her?

**Chandler:** No, are y'kidding me? And say what? "Hi, Janice, it's me Chandler." "Oh, Chandler… OH, MY GAWWD!!" (A woman sitting at a distance leaves after hearing Chandler's mocking Janice) I don't care, I'm a family man anyway.

**Joey:** Just go say hi, man.

**Ross:** Dude, are you trying to get my sister divorced?

**Joey:** Sor-rey, it's just with you and Rachel getting married and with Phoebe and Mike, y'know pregnant now or whatever… it's just, it would be nice to see _someone_ going through a divorce.

**Ross:** You are a thoughtful, thoughtful man.

**Joey:** (smiling, blushes) Thanks.

**Chandler:** (to Ross) I'm really happy for you, man. Really glad you and Rachel are finally "no longer on a break".

**Ross:** Yeah, thanks man.

**Chandler:** No, really, I mean you guys like deserve to be together, y'know? (Joey is looking down now.) I mean, it's like one of those things… We just look at you two and-and it just, it just fits, you know?

**Ross:** (smiling) Thanks, man. Really appreciate it.

(Joey is dreaming of his and Rachel's kiss now—from a previous chapter (one of the first ones)—and he's smiling)

**Chandler:** Joey! Joey!

(Back to present time…)

**Joey:** What, what, what's goin' on?

**Chandler:** Our drinks are here.

**Joey:** Ohh. (he takes a sip of his new beer)

**Ross:** Were you thinking of some woman? (he smiles)

(Joey looks at Ross, saddened)

**Joey:** Umm, yeah, yeah. Yeah I was.

**Chandler:** Well…?

**Ross:** Is it someone we know?

(A pause. Joey looks down then up at Ross, who is smiling at Joey waiting)

**Joey:** (shaking his head) No. No, it's…I was thinking—someone from my old job.

**Ross:** You guys hit it off well?

**Joey:** Yeah, really well.

**Ross:** Well, then, I would like to propose a toast. (They hold their beers) To Joey and the Mystery Woman.

**Joey:** Oh, no, Ross. No, you don't wanna…no…

**Chandler:** Cheers!

**Ross:** Cheers!

**Joey:** Yeah, yeah, cheers…I guess.

(They all have sips and Joey barely even has a sip)

**Chandler:** What happened to you, Joe? Two minutes ago, you were gulping the entire thing.

**Joey:** I uh… I'm uh…

**Ross:** Thinking of the Mystery Woman.

**Joey:** (chuckles) Yeah. Kind of.

(Joey looks at Ross, who looks away. If only he knew what was going on his best friend's mind. If only he knew the Mystery Woman is in fact his fiancé, his love of his life, the woman "he's supposed to be with"…if only he knew it's Rachel)

**Joey:** (beer up for Ross) Congratulations again, man, on your engagement.

**Ross:** Thanks.

(Joey has a sip of his beer, wishing for one second he could take Rachel's image out of his mind.)

……………………………………………………

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

_**Wow, never done some drama at the end like this before. Hopefully you enjoyed this and liked it. And hopefully you'll review me right now! C'mon, please click that "GO" button on the bottom left!! PLEASE REVIEW.**_

_**Hehehe, once again thanks to those who have reviewed me in the past and hopefully are now, as well. Chapter 13 should come out sooner than this one did, and it WILL come out sooner b/c then I start school. Ugh! RnR. Plzz and feel free to check my profile for updates any time. THANKS :p**_

* * *


	13. Rachel's Vows

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 13--  
_THE ONE WITH RACHEL'S VOWS

* * *

Welcome to Chapter 13. May I just first begin to thank (as I always do, is it getting boring) my reviewers. Thanks, your comments are sooo useful.

Now there's something _else_ I wanna say too. It's not certain yet but there's a big chance Chapter 15 (that's 2 more) MIGHT be the last. Of course, I'm not 100 sure yet but there's a good chance itll be the end in two more chapter :( how sad hehehe. Now on with Chapter 13…

* * *

(Continues where Chapter 12 left us off...)

**SIX HOURS AFTER CHAPTER 12**

_(Scene: Joey's apartment (no longer Rachel's); Joey is watching TV as Rachel enters.)_

**Joey:** Hey!

**Rachel:** Hey.

**Joey:** So? It's 3 o'clock in the morning. You girls had a good time?

**Rachel:** Oh, the best. Phoebe kicked 3 men in their crotch and threw up at all the bathroom-mirrors.

**Joey:** Wow, I can't believe I missed it.

**Rachel:** (chuckles) Yeah. (She looks around and realizes) Ohh, shoot. Right, Ross said something earlier tonight about…the guys, the movers coming over and moving my stuff outta here.

**Joey:** Ohh. Your stuff's missing?

**Rachel:** You didn't notice?

**Joey:** You took my donut! (looks over the counter)

**Rachel:** So… good-night, then.

**Joey:** Nighty-night.

**Rachel:** Bye. (opens the door to leave) You uh…you gonna be ok here?

**Joey:** Yeah, yeah I'll…I'll be fine. I'll, I'll call a few strippers, sleep with half of 'em and forget their names in the morning.

**Rachel:** (smiles) You'll be fine. Bye.

**Joey:** Bye!

(Rachel leaves and shuts the door after her)

(Joey just stands in the middle of his living-room, looks around and finds the apartment, for the first time in eleven years, emptier than ever)

(He grabs the remote and turns the TV off)

(Joey looks around again, pushes his recliner, aka the barcalounger (spelled it wrong), and lets it revolve as he goes into his room and shuts the door)

**TEN MORE DAYS FOR THE WEDDING.**

_(Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Mike (and Jack & Erica Bing) are there as Rachel enters, a little upset.)_

**Monica:** Hey, Rach!

**Rachel:** Ugh, don't even start.

**Phoebe:** What's wrong?

**Rachel:** Ross and I just had a stupid fight again. It was so disgusting.

**Joey:** (nodding) Oh, was he naked?

**Rachel:** No, it was disgusting—fight wise. We just, we just kept arguing about the wedding and the invitations and all. It's just so…ugh!

**Monica:** Rach, that's ok. These things, they happen. I mean, the whole wedding thing and the preparing, it's so overwhelming.

**Rachel:** Really?

**Monica:** Absolutely.

**Rachel:** So we'll get over this?

**Monica:** You will. Gee, you should've seen how many times _Chandler_ and I argued and broke up when we were getting married.

**Rachel:** Really?

**Chandler:** _Really_?

**Joey: **Yeah, dude, remember when you guys were engaged and you found out that, back in London when you two hooked up, Monica went up to the room to have sex with _me_ but ended up with you by mistake?

**Chandler:** (fearfully glaring at him) And can you believe we made it _four_ years without bringing that up again?

**Joey:** Gotcha.

**Mike:** (poking Phoebe) Oh, honey, tell her about the time _you_ and I fought when we were engaged.

**Phoebe:** Mike! Honey, I'm not gonna tell my friends about the problems you and I have in bed.

(Ross enters)

**Ross:** Hi, honey, I'm so sorry.

**Rachel:** Oh god I'm sorry too.

(Ross and Rachel hug then kiss.)

**Phoebe:** Awe, they're so sweet.

**Chandler:** Yeah, they look so sweet and pretty and it's romantic to just see them cuddling like that and—(Joey looks at him and Chandler quickly stops talking)

**Phoebe:** (laughing, to Chandler) You are such a pretty little girl!

**Chandler:** Hey! No, I'm a man!

**Monica:** Oh, please! (pointing at Phoebe) She's more man than you are!

(Chandler looks up at Joey)

**Chandler:** Joe, some backup here please?

**Joey:** You're right, man, I'm sorry. Phoebe is not more man than you are.

**Chandler:** Thank you!

**Joey:** Monica is.

**Chandler:** Wha--?

**Rachel:** Anyway, you guys, the invitations are sent so you should probably all go home right now and, y'know, read 'em!

**Chandler:** "and Weep"?

**Rachel:** Just tell us what you think.

**All: **Yeah, ok.

(They all start to leave)

**Ross:** Wait, umm, actually, Joe, can I talk to you? For a sec?

**Joey:** (smiling) Strippers?

**Ross:** No, it's something serious. (to Rachel) Honey, I'll be right there.

**Rachel:** Okay.

(Rachel kisses Ross and they all but Ross & Joey leave)

**Joey: **So, strippers?

**Ross:** No. Umm, let's sit down. (They sit down on the orange couch) So, you know that Chandler and I have been friends since, like, college right?

**Joey:** Yeah, you guys were in this boy-band and you were, like, geeks—

**Ross:** (clears throat) Anyway… umm, since I'm getting married in, like, a week and a half you would expect me to pick Chandler to be my best man, right?

**Joey:** Well, I wouldn't be sad but…

**Ross:** I want _you_ to be my best man, Joe.

**Joey:** What?

**Ross:** I want _you_ to be my best man. I already spoke to Chandler about this and he's fine about me asking you to be my best man.

**Joey:** Ross, are you sure?

**Ross:** Yeah, I mean you're my best friend and I really want you by my side on this special day of my life. The day I finally get together with Rachel, the woman I'm supposed—

**Joey:** (interrupting) Ok, yeah, Ross I think I know who Rachel is.

**Ross:** …So?

**Joey:** Uhh…Ross, are you sure you wanna do this? I mean, remember the last time I was your best man? I let the duck swallow your wedding ring! …And I slept with the stripper, now let's talk about strippers.

**Ross:** I don't care, I want you to be my best man.

(Long pause. Joey keeps looking at Ross, uncertain what to say, how to say it…)

**Joey:** I don't think I can do it.

**Ross:** What? Why not?

(_Because I'm in-love with your fiancé_, Joey imagined him saying but then he immediately snapped out of it and started to think of his answer)

**Ross:** Joey?

**Joey:** Is it hot in here? I think it's hot in here! WAITER!

**Ross:** It's the coffeehouse.

**Joey:** What, they don't have waiters in here? They really should.

**Ross:** Joe? (nodding) Are you scared you might mess it up?

(Joey takes a long pause to think about this)

**Joey:** Yes.

**Ross:** You're not gonna mess it up and even if you do, it doesn't matter because we're friends and I know I'd do the same for you if you asked me.

**Joey:** Wait, wha—what do you mean?

**Ross:** Like if you ever get married.

**Joey:** Hmmm. Who am I married to?

**Ross:** I don't know, some girl.

**Joey:** Is she cute?

**Ross: **Probably…

**Joey:** Is she hot?

**Ross:** I dunno…

**Joey:** Is she a stripper?

(BEAT)

**Ross:** So you'll be my best man?

**Joey:** (sighs) Fine, I'll be your best man.

(They hug it out)

**Ross:** Rachel's gonna be so happy to find out that you're my best man.

**Joey:** She is, huh?

**Ross:** Yeah.

**Joey:** Well…I'm so happy for you two. Finally getting back together, finally tying the knot.

**Ross:** Thanks man.

**Joey:** She's happy…when she's with you, y'know. (Ross looks up at him) And I'm happy she's happy.

(Long Silence)

**Ross:** Huh?!

**Joey:** I have _no_ idea what I just said.

_(Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Monica and Phoebe are talking about Rachel's vows.)_

**Rachel:** These vows are killing me! This is so frustrating.

**Monica:** Ok, y'know what? You don't need vows on your hand. When you get up there, just speak from your heart.

**Phoebe:** What? NO! Don't listen to her, don't speak from your heart! The heart is an organ, it pumps, it circulates blood or whatever, it doesn't SPEAK, it doesn't have tiny little lips on it NOW DOES IT?!

**Monica:** Well, you're all "glass totally empty".

**Phoebe:** (screaming harder now) DOES IT?!

**Monica:** (now terrified of Phoebe, screaming too) No, no, it doesn't! IT DOESN'T!

**Phoebe:** (suddenly calm again) Ok, well good. (Pause) I kinda lost it a little bit there, huh?

**Rachel:** (still intimidated) Just a tad.

**Monica:** _Little_ bit.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, see, it's the hormones.

**Monica:** You're barely even a month pregnant.

**Phoebe:** (screaming again) OK, LIKE WHAT'S WITH THE 3RD DEGREE?!

**Rachel:** Ok, you guys, this is serious. I mean, I still have to write my vows. What do I do?

**Phoebe:** Just get 'em off the internet.

**Monica:** Oh, no, no. That is a bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea ok?

**Phoebe:** Ok, I'm the maid-of-honor so you zip it.

**Rachel:** (gasps) Maybe I should check what Ross wrote!

**Monica:** No, Rachel…

**Phoebe:** Ooh, maybe I should help you!

**Monica:** No, Phoebe, you guys… This isn't the system! (Phoebe and Rachel run into the bedroom leaving Monica alone) This isn't how the system works!

**Phoebe (voice-over):** Oh, screw your stupid system. Now haul-ass!

(Cut to Ross and Rachel's bedroom. Monica walks in to join Phoebe and Rachel's seek to find Ross's wedding vows)

**Monica:** Hey.

**Rachel:** Hey. (turns to Phoebe) Wow, your fake-hormones stuff is really paying off.

**Phoebe:** I know!

**Monica:** Ok, now what are we looking for?

(Phoebe and Rachel stop looking and stare up at Monica, freezing)

**Rachel:** If you don't know that, then I don't wanna do this with you.

**Phoebe:** We're looking for the groom's wedding vows.

**Monica:** So basically we're snooping through my brother's files, folders and personal stuff to find the personal vows he wrote.

**Rachel:** Exactly.

**Monica:** All right.

(They continue looking. Phoebe finds a brown shoebox under the bed)

**Phoebe:** Ooh, ooh, he could keep it in here!

**Monica:** Phoebe, why would my brother keep his vows in a shoebox under the bed?

**Phoebe:** Because that's what _I_ did when I was getting married.

**Monica:** Really? You wanna know what _I_ did? I made eight different copies of my vows, and kept each one at ten feet away in a red box marked "Monica's Vows" that has a black ribbon on it.

(Rachel and Phoebe look at her crazy)

**Rachel:** Really, oh I'm sure Chandler couldn't find 'em.

**Phoebe:** Let's see. (she opens the box and takes out some stuff…magazines, papers, files but no vows) Ugh, this man is a sick, sick man.

**Rachel:** Ok, y'know what you guys? Maybe I should just write my own vows.

**Phoebe:** (gasps) Write your own vows? What is this, the '80s?

**Rachel:** I just don't feel good about snooping in on my fiancé's stuff, especially ten days before the wedding. It just…it doesn't feel right.

**Monica:** Who said it should?

**Rachel:** Wha—two minutes ago, you were complete unsupportive of this idea!

**Monica:** Well, it comes and goes; I wouldn't trust it.

**Phoebe:** Ok, there's no hope of finding the vows.

**Monica:** Look, maybe we're looking in all the places where the vows _could_ be hidden.

**Rachel:** Really? Oh glad you made _that_ clear to us, Mon.

**Monica:** What I'm saying is, I know my brother. He's smart, alright? And, ordinarily, he would hide something needed to be hidden in a place where it's so difficult to find. But he must've figured out in advance that we would be looking _there_ so he just hid the vows in an ordinary place, somewhere we don't look because we're certain it can't be there 'cause it's such a revealing place.

(Rachel and Phoebe are silent, looking at her sleepy)

**Rachel:** Ok, seriously Mon, did not understand a word you just said.

**Monica:** Like, the kitchen! (She walks out of the room)

**Rachel:** The kitchen?

**Phoebe:** Aha! He knows we're gonna be hungry and we're gonna eat someday! Ooh, good revelation, Pheebs!

**Monica:** I'm not kidding.

(Cut to the kitchen. The girls are entering, Monica first)

**Monica:** Ok, now where's the last place you would look for, if you want to find some vows?

**Phoebe:** Some place ten feet away in a red box that has a black ribbon on it.

**Monica: In** a kitchen!

**Rachel:** The fridge. (She opens the fridge, looks in it then closes it) Nothing.

**Monica:** Ok, but he could hide it in an item that _it's_ in the fridge. (They both look at her funny again.) Ok, y'know what, it feels like I'm talking to Lassie!

**Phoebe:** No, no, I see what you mean. Like in a milk carton.

**Monica:** Or a Yummy Bear (box).

**Rachel:** Maybe in a place far, far away from here.

**Phoebe:** Grocery bag.

**Monica:** Frozen pizza box.

**Phoebe:** Cake box.

**Monica:** (turning competitive) Juice box!

**Phoebe:** Ice tray!

(Before Monica could say something else, the girls pause in agreement.)

**Monica:** Ice tray, I like that. Rach?

(Rachel opens the fridge and takes out the ice tray)

**Rachel:** Nothing.

**Phoebe:** Try _under_ the ice tray.

(Rachel looks and takes out an envelope)

**Rachel:** Oh my god that's it! This is it! We found it, I found it, found it! Good job, Pheebs.

**Monica:** (to Phoebe in disgust) Nice work.

**Phoebe:** (in a serious tone) Thank you. I'll see you in the next round, gladiator.

**Monica:** Rach, open it! Open the envelope.

(Rachel does so and takes out a small piece of paper)

**Rachel:** Wha--?

**Phoebe:** That's it? That's all he's gonna say at the wedding? Phew, I feel bad for the bride.

**Rachel:** No, that can't be.

**Monica:** What does it say?

**Rachel:** (reading) "Dear honey, you really think I would keep my vows in the apartment? Luv ya" Ugh!

**Monica:** No!

**Phoebe:** Aw.

**Rachel:** God, I hate him! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him…… Oh, look, he drew me a smiley face and a heart, aw I **love** him!

**Phoebe:** Here come the waterworks.

**Rachel:** (in tears) I don't know why! It's so thoughtful…!

**Monica:** Come 'ere. (She hugs Rachel while Phoebe walks away in disgust)

_(Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment; time lapse. The guys are entering, Ross first.)_

**Chandler:** I can't believe you still haven't written your vows yet!

**Joey:** Yeah, man, I mean the wedding's in like ten days.

**Chandler:** Look at that! Even Joey's starting to make sense!

**Ross:** Look, you guys, I tried alright? It's just so hard. I mean, I'm a professor. I'm supposed to be good at this, y'know, good at expressing my feelings and emotions very well.

**Chandler:** Right, because in class, all you do is cry, show a happy face or whine.

**Ross:** What…do I do?

**Joey:** Maybe you can steal Rachel's vows.

(Ross and Chandler are silent, and they nod in agreement)

**Ross:** Oh my god Joey you're a genius!

**Chandler:** What is happening to the world today?

**Joey:** Let's start looking…

**Chandler:** Ooh, maybe she's hidden them in the bedroom!

(The guys run to the bedroom to seek for Rachel's _supposedly written_ wedding vows)

……………………………………………………

**To Be Continued.**

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_**This was longer than usual, eh? Hehe, hope u liked this and I really hope u review me, plzz. The next chapter will be half-of-it about the guys' looking for Rachel's vows and the other half…I'll leave it as a surprise.**_

_**Next Chapter: Chapter 14 is POSSIBLY the one before the last one **__****__** too bad. When I first started this fanfic I never meant to make it past 5 chapters! Can u believe that? Now im in 14 (which is in the works) wow… (chapter 15 or 16 will be the last…still not sure)**_

_**Please review this Chapter and tell me what I could do to make this a better fic, one that would make you keep checking in for more. Thank u SOOOO much. . . –peace & love**_

* * *


	14. Before The Last One

_**

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**_

The One With The Wrecked Christmas

_--Chapter 14--  
_THE ONE BEFORE THE LAST ONE

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Glad to begin with Chapter 14. Now I know I told you guys that Chapter 15 could be the last of _The One With The Wrecked Christmas_ but it won't. Chapter 16 will be the last xD it will be the end, the final chapter… but Chapters 15 & 16 have the same title, split up into 2 parts so that's why THIS chap. is THE ONE BEFORE THE LAST ONE.

Thanks for ur very nice reviews!! I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am and I'm hoping to finish this before school starts (ugh, just the thought of school starting…egh!) anyway I hope, honestly, that you will review THE ONE BEFORE THE LAST ONE and thank you once again for reading!

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**NOTE: First, thank u soooooooooooooooooo much for the AMAZING comments (for chapter 13), omg they made me smiiiiiile. and note to CHRISTINA BUUS, yes there are like 2 or 3 jokes that ive taken from the show that just "fit" during my fanfic story. thank u so much for your amazing comments, Christina. By the way, my name is Christian--so that's coincidental :P and for the whole script-thing, yeah i LOOOOVE writing scripts and when i grow up (im still 15 lol) I am going to be a script-writer. thank u all so much again and now (finally) here's the one before the last one...**

(Continues where Chapter 13 left us off...)

_(Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. The guys are looking for Rachel's vows in the bedroom.)_

**Chandler:** Dude, we're not finding them anywhere. That fiancé of yours is one pain-in-the-ass fiancé.

**Ross:** Look, Chandler, they gotta be _somewhere_. I know Rachel alright? She likes the bedroom, she usually keeps stuff that needed to be hidden in the bedroom.

**Joey:** Like _you_ being naked?

**Chandler:** Man, have you tried thinking of _writing_ your own vows?

**Joey:** Writing 'em? Are you crazy?!

**Ross:** Chandler, I've told you I've tried so hard. But it's just so difficult. I don't know what to say, how to…how to say it.

**Chandler:** Just say what you feel about her.

**Ross:** I can't, I … I know that I love her, I mean I love her to death. (Joey is looking out the window to avoid the conversation but we can still see Joey's facial expressions while Ross speaks…) I can't imagine one minute without being with her, she's just—she completes me, y'know? She's perfect, and I know that she's my soul-mate, my best friend. (Joey now squeezes his eyes shut in pain.) she's the love of my life.

(There is a silence. Joey opens his eyes and takes a deep breath. He must not let Ross know about this. His friend is getting married in ten days, how could he tell him he's in-love with Rachel? …Now?)

**Joey:** (turns around) You could just say all the stuff you just said, Ross.

(Another silence)

**Ross:** Oh my god. That's brilliant, Joe.

**Chandler:** (glaring at Joey, still confused) And _I'm_ the crazy one.

**Joey:** Yeah…

**Ross:** Thanks, man. (pats Joey on the back) I'm so glad you're my best man.

**Joey:** (chuckles) Right back at ya.

**Chandler:** So anyway, you illegitimate four-times groom, the guys and I are throwing you a bachelor party Thursday, what do you say?

**Ross:** Oh, no, Chandler I told you Rachel and I agreed no bachelor/bachelorette parties.

**Joey:** There gonna be any strippers?

**Chandler:** Two.

**Joey:** I'm there!

**Ross:** Joey…

**Joey:** That's ok, Ross, we'll tell you how it goes the next day. (pats him on the back)

**Ross:** Fine, maybe I can talk Rachel into it. MAYBE. So there's a very big good chance there will be no party on Thursday.

(Ross and Chandler turn to see that Joey is on the phone)

**Joey:** (on phone) Hi, yeah, Bobbie, clear out my schedule for Thursday night—I have a bachelor party to go to! (he looks at Ross and Chandler and gives them the thumb-up)

**FIVE DAYS TILL THE WEDDING.**

_(Scene: Central Perk. The girls are there with Monica & Chandler's kids.)_

**Monica:** Ok, so I already spoke with the wedding-coordinator, the flower-company, and I've booked an amazing band. Also, now there were some trouble with the balloons-guys but I nailed 'em.

**Phoebe:** Balloons-guys? Who the hell are the balloons-guys?

**Monica:** You know…the guys who…do balloons and stuff.

**Phoebe:** What, I can do balloons and stuff. C'mon, I mean I love balloons and I'm great at "stuff"!

**Monica:** Phoebe, it's all taken care of.

**Rachel:** (bored) Yeah, you guys wanna go somewhere?

**Monica:** Oh, sure, let's go find a better minister, I mean _do_ you want a minister at your wedding going "Do you uhhh uhhh Rachel uhh uhh Green take umm uhh Ross…"

**Phoebe:** I think we got it!

**Rachel:** No, I wanna go somewhere else, somewhere where I don't have to be the "bride" anymore. I'm so overwhelmed and scared of this whole thing. I've never had a wedding before… (Phoebe goes to talk but Rachel interrupts) …that I didn't leave halfway through.

**Phoebe:** Do you want us to throw you a bachelorette party?

**Rachel:** I dunno, I mean Ross did kinda talk me into letting Joey and Chandler throw him a _bachelor_ party but I think we've just outgrown that, don't you think?

**Phoebe:** Yeah.

**Monica:** Yeah, you're probably right.

(Long Pause)

**Phoebe:** Ooh ooh I know! Let's go throw water-balloons at strangers we don't know on the streets!

**Rachel:** Yeah let's go do that!!

(The girls stand up to leave then Rachel quickly sits down again)

**Monica:** What's wrong?

**Phoebe:** Is it the "cold feet" thing again 'cause Mike and I have plenty of hot water at _our_ place if you want.

**Rachel:** No, no, you guys that's my mother out there.

(We see Mrs. Green outside Central Perk, right out the door)

**Phoebe:** Oh.

**Monica:** Oh, Mrs. Green is here? Oh this is so great! I wanna go say hi! (exits happily)

**Rachel:** Oh no you get back over here!

**Phoebe:** Ugh I cannot believe her.

**Rachel:** I know.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, but if _she's_ sucking up to your mom I wanna get in on some of that action too. (starts to exit too)

**Rachel:** No, no, no! Don't go out! C'mon, Pheebs, I don't wanna talk to my mother right now. She's gonna go, "Oh honey are you sure you think Ross's the one? Are you sure he's not too uptight? I think he's gay, maybe _I_ should marry him!"

**Phoebe:** Ross's gay?

**Rachel:** Look, I just need you to stay and tell me what is going on out there. What is Monica telling my Mom?

**Phoebe:** Ok. Let's see.

(Phoebe goes to stand behind the orange couch, which Rachel sits nervously on, while Phoebe stares out the window to peek on Monica & Mrs. Green who we can see are talking.)

**Phoebe:** Ok, they're hand-shaking. Ooh, your mother just hugged her.

**Rachel:** (gasps) She _never_ usually hugs me!

**Phoebe:** Ok, Monica's smiling now.

**Rachel:** Ugh, so typical.

**Phoebe:** They're pointing, they're pointing… Ohh, oh Monica just said a joke. Look, they're laughing! Oh! (She bursts into laughter too)

**Rachel: PHOEBE!**

**Phoebe:** Oh, you're right I'm sorry. (looking out again) Ok, they're still talking. Monica's smiling, Mrs. Green is admiring Monica's dress, which by the way is so, so hideous.

**Rachel:** Please don't tell me Monica's gonna tell her I'm in here.

**Phoebe:** Hmm. Well, your mother showing her her new liposuction surgery results which by the way are fantastic! (Beat) Ohhh ohh no! No, don't DO THAT!

**Rachel:** (scared) What, what, what—what happened?!

**Phoebe:** (pointing to outside) That guy across the street just kicked a pigeon!

**Rachel:** Ohh…

(Rachel sighs in frustration over this while Monica and Mrs. Green enter. _Note: I'm not quite sure if it's Mrs. Green or Mrs. Greene. In my other fanfic, ALTERNATIVE SEASON 4, I wrote it Mrs. Greene with an "e" b/c in season 4's TOW THE INVITATION, that's how it was written… I dunno, I always felt it was Green._)

**Monica:** C'mon in.

**Mrs. Green:** And there she is! My dear!

**Rachel:** Oh, mom!

(Rachel gets up to get a hug from Mrs. Green, who instead gives her a kiss on the cheek. Rachel is dumbfounded)

**Mrs. Green:** Phoebe, right?

**Phoebe:** (sarcastically surprised) Ohh ohh, oh my god Mrs. Green! Oh this is such an unexpected surprise! Oh my GOD! (They hug and Rachel gives Phoebe a dirty "stop that" look) Oh, oh god I think I'm gonna have a heart-attack, y'know because of all the sudden surprises.

**Rachel:** So, mom, sit! (Mrs. Green sits down next to Rachel while Monica sits to the green chair on the right and Phoebe to the far left) What're you…what're you doing here?

**Mrs. Green:** Well, I came to see my sweet little daughter.

**Rachel:** _Really_?

**Mrs. Green:** No, I'm supposed to be in Milwaukee.

**Rachel:** (fake-laughs) Ohh, ha-ha. Well, great. Great to have you here with us, mom.

**Monica:** It really _is_ great Mrs. Green.

**Rachel:** (turns to Monica) Oh, you! Stop kissing ass! (back to Mrs. Green, smiling) So, how's dad? You speaking to him?

**Mrs. Green:** That is, umm, that's actually why I'm here dear.

**Phoebe:** Hey, that rhymed! (They all look at her. She turns to face Mrs. Green) Hi, I'm pregnant and nice lipo-results!

**Mrs. Green:** (chuckles) Thanks.

**Rachel:** So, mom? The thing you wanted to tell me…?

**Mrs. Greene:** Umm, I don't know how to say this, dear. But umm… (clears throat) I'm afraid your father can't make it to your wedding.

**Rachel:** (stunned) What?

**Phoebe:** Oh my god he DIED?!

(They all look at her again, stunned.)

**Monica:** Mrs. Green, is it because it's so prompt and it was in short notice? Because _someone_ here doesn't listen to their wedding-planner.

**Mrs. Green:** No, no, dear. It's not that. It's… (turns to Rachel again, takes a deep breath) He's getting married again, Rachel.

**Rachel:** What? (chuckles) Married again? Wha—you're not serious, are you? (_Mrs. Green does not respond._) Oh my god to who?

**Mrs. Green:** I don't really know her, she's 38, blonde—

**Rachel:** (interrupting) That slut!

**Mrs. Green:** Honey…

**Rachel:** No, no, this is my wedding. It's my _wedding_. I don't get married once a year or once a month or once every five years.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, you're not _Ross_.

**Rachel:** This is once-in-a-lifetime thing. And he's supposed to be there, my father's supposed to be there. Who else is gonna walk me down the aisle? (Phoebe raises her hand.) PHOEBE PUT YOUR HAND DOWN! (Phoebe does so, saddened.) I just… (sighs) I-I can't believe this. If-if he doesn't make it to the wedding, if he doesn't come…I don't think I can talk to him again, like, ever. (she runs and exits)

(There's a moment of silence at the coffeehouse. Phoebe and Monica don't know what to say to Mrs. Green)

**Phoebe** So when'd you have the surgery, Mrs. Green? (They both look up at her.) Who asked that? Who--? (she looks around)

_(Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is at the counter as Rachel enters.)_

**Rachel:** Hey, Joey.

**Joey:** Hey, Rach, what's wrong?

**Rachel:** Nothing, nothing, it's just… God, I can't believe him! I mean it's my wedding, y'know? And he's my father, he's supposed to be AT the wedding, not in another one being the groom.

**Joey:** Ok, I didn't get that…

**Rachel:** My precious daddy can't come to my wedding because he's getting married to some 30-something blonde SLUT!

**Joey:** Am I-am I dreaming again? (looks around)

**Rachel:** (sighs) God, Joey, I don't know what to do. What do I do?

**Joey:** Come here. Come here.

(He hugs her and he smells her hair in passion.)

_FLASHBACK TO A SCENE IN CHAPTER 1: Joey's apartment (which was Joey's & Rachel's at that time). Rachel is entering wearing a nice dress for Monica & Chandler's big Christmas dinner and Joey just stares._

_**Joey:**__ Wow. You look…hideous!_

_**Rachel:**__ Thanks, so why don't YOU?_

_**Joey:**__ Oh, right. Right. (He goes into his room to get dressed)_

_(Time Lapse to Joey grabbing Rachel and kissing her)_

_**Rachel:**__ Oh._

_**Joey:**__ I'm so sorry…_

BACK TO PRESENT TIME…

(Joey and Rachel are still hugging)

**Rachel:** What do you think I should do?

**Joey:** I think you should umm…I think you should uh… Just, just do the right thing.

**Rachel:** (getting out of the hug) Joe, you ok?

**Joey:** What? No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

**Rachel:** (chuckles) Are you _sure_ you're ok?

**Joey:** Yeah.

**Rachel:** Well, good. I'm going home. Ross was looking all over for me.

**Joey:** Oh, oh, okay.

**Rachel:** Good-night, Joe.

**Joey:** You too.

(Rachel goes to the door and opens it then stops when…)

**Joey:** No, y'know what, I'm _not_ fine. (Rachel turns around to face him) I'm-I'm not. I'm not doing so great, with you and Ross getting married in five days and him asking me to be his best man. And knowing that just weeks ago you and I were kissing.

**Rachel:** Yeah, but it was a mistake. You admitted that.

**Joey:** Yeah, but what if it wasn't? You know? I mean, everyone keeps saying how you and Ross are just _supposed_ to be together, how you're gonna end up with each other… Well, what about us? What about you and me, Rach? Did you forget what that was like?

**Rachel:** Joey, I can't… I can't do this right now…

**Joey:** No, I know, I know, because you have the wedding to prepare and you just found out your father's not coming so…

**Rachel:** Joey…

(She's now standing near the TV, he's standing to the other side—near the yellow couch)

**Joey:** I'm still so insanely in-love with you. (Rachel is stunned.) I know I probably shouldn't have said that right now. Especially not now. But I wanted to. God I wanted to for so long but I couldn't. Because I saw Ross and he's just… (cracking up) I've never seen him so happy before.

**Rachel:** I'm so sorry…

**Joey:** BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?! Huh? Why can't _I_ be happy?

**Rachel:** Joey, this is so unlike you to say all these things…

**Joey:** Rach, I'm still in-love with you. Aren't _you_?

(Long Silence. We pan around Joey/Rachel's faces. Then we pan around the open door in which Ross is standing at)

(Ross just stands there, silent, calm, stunned.)

(He's just staring at them both: Joey and Rachel, realizing they can't see him, it's like he's staring at open space)

(He's waiting, silent, calm, stunned…waiting for Rachel to answer. What is taking her so long to answer?)

**Rachel:** Joey, let's not do this right now. I have a—(She turns around and sees Ross, she freezes)

**Joey:** Ross…

(There's another long silence. For Rachel, this is a bad dream. For Ross, this is a nightmare. For Joey… this is a bad moment, bad timing.)

**Ross:** (still calm) Answer his question.

(Another silence)

(Rachel is looking at Ross)

**Rachel:** Ross...

**Ross:** Answer it.

(Rachel takes a deep breath)

_**--FADE TO BLACK--**_

……………………………………………………

**To Be Continued.**

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_**I hope u liked this! God, I love cliffhangers!! Hehehe, hopefully u'll review me right now! C'mon, tell me how good/bad this update was! Pleeaassee.**_

_**--Next Chapter, which is part one of the Finale, is titled as THE ONE WITH ROSS AND RACHEL'S WEDDING (PART I). yep, it's the end folks. In 2 chapters, this fanfic is stopping :( anyway thanks sooooo much 4 reading!! And plzz review me now. THANK U. –peace & love**_

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	15. Ross and Rachel's Wedding, Part I

_**The One With The Wrecked Christmas**_

_--Chapter 15--  
_THE ONE WITH ROSS AND RACHEL'S WEDDING (PART I)

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Yep, that's right people. You've just entered Part One of the finale. The one that's just about to end one chapter away. Here we go again, with Chapter 15 of _The One With The Wrecked Christmas_… (I don't have to thank u all so much for reading and reviewing, u know I already thank you all, right?? WELL THANKS ANYHOO!)

Here's _**The One With Ross and Rachel's Wedding, Part I**_

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(Continues where Chapter 14 left us off...)

**Ross (voice-over):** Previously on Friends.

_(Scene: Central Perk. The girls are there with Mrs. Green, Rachel's mother, talking.)_

**Rachel:** This is once-in-a-lifetime thing. And he's supposed to be there, my father's supposed to be there. Who else is gonna walk me down the aisle? (Phoebe raises her hand.) PHOEBE PUT YOUR HAND DOWN! (Phoebe does so, saddened.) I just… (sighs) I-I can't believe this. If-if he doesn't make it to the wedding, if he doesn't come…I don't think I can talk to him again, like, ever. (she runs and exits)

(There's a moment of silence at the coffeehouse. Phoebe and Monica don't know what to say to Mrs. Green)

**Phoebe** So when'd you have the surgery, Mrs. Green? (They both look up at her.) Who asked that? Who--? (she looks around)

_(Scene: Joey's apartment. It's the last scene from the previous chapter. Joey is consoling Rachel.)_

**Rachel:** What do you think I should do?

**Joey:** I think you should umm…I think you should uh… Just, just do the right thing.

**Rachel:** (getting out of the hug) Joe, you ok?

**Joey:** What? No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

**Rachel:** (chuckles) Are you _sure_ you're ok?

**Joey:** Yeah.

**Rachel:** Well, good. I'm going home. Ross was looking all over for me.

**Joey:** Oh, oh, okay.

**Rachel:** Good-night, Joe.

**Joey:** You too.

(Rachel goes to the door and opens it then stops when…)

**Joey:** No, y'know what, I'm _not_ fine. (Rachel turns around to face him) I'm-I'm not. I'm not doing so great, with you and Ross getting married in five days and him asking me to be his best man. And knowing that just weeks ago you and I were kissing.

**Rachel:** Yeah, but it was a mistake. You admitted that.

**Joey:** Yeah, but what if it wasn't? You know? I mean, everyone keeps saying how you and Ross are just _supposed_ to be together, how you're gonna end up with each other… Well, what about us? What about you and me, Rach? Did you forget what that was like?

**Rachel:** Joey, I can't… I can't do this right now…

**Joey:** No, I know, I know, because you have the wedding to prepare and you just found out your father's not coming so…

**Rachel:** Joey…

(She's now standing near the TV, he's standing to the other side—near the yellow couch)

**Joey:** I'm still so insanely in-love with you. (Rachel is stunned.) I know I probably shouldn't have said that right now. Especially not now. But I wanted to. God I wanted to for so long but I couldn't. Because I saw Ross and he's just… (cracking up) I've never seen him so happy before.

**Rachel:** I'm so sorry…

**Joey:** BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?! Huh? Why can't _I_ be happy?

**Rachel:** Joey, this is so unlike you to say all these things…

**Joey:** Rach, I'm still in-love with you. Aren't _you_?

(Long Silence. We pan around Joey/Rachel's faces. Then we pan around the open door in which Ross is standing at)

(Ross just stands there, silent, calm, stunned.)

(He's just staring at them both: Joey and Rachel, realizing they can't see him, it's like he's staring at open space)

(He's waiting, silent, calm, stunned…waiting for Rachel to answer. What is taking her so long to answer?)

**Rachel:** Joey, let's not do this right now. I have a—(She turns around and sees Ross, she freezes)

**Joey:** Ross…

(There's another long silence. For Rachel, this is a bad dream. For Ross, this is a nightmare. For Joey… this is a bad moment, bad timing.)

**Ross:** (still calm) Answer his question.

(Another silence)

(Rachel is looking at Ross)

**Rachel:** Ross…

**Ross:** Answer it.

_**--FADE TO BLACK--**_

_(Fade in again – same scene from earlier. It's Joey's apartment and things are very tense. Ross is standing at the door, glaring fearfully at Rachel who stands just a few feet away from him, he back is turned to Joey who stands near the TV.)_

**Rachel:** Ross…

**Ross:** Answer it.

**Rachel:** Ross…

**Ross:** Why are you afraid to answer it?

**Rachel:** I'm not!

**Ross:** Then answer it.

**Rachel:** Ross…

**Joey:** I think I'm gonna take off now. (Starts for the door)

**Rachel:** Ohh, yeah, yeah, you're funny. Oh, you're not going anywhere.

**Joey:** (whining) But I want to!

**Rachel:** (holding Ross's hands) Ross, can we PLEASE put this behind us?

**Ross:** Put this behind us? Put this behind… Rach, do you love Joey?

**Joey:** You don't have to answer, really…

**Rachel:** Ross! We're getting married! In five days! In _five_ days! Do you really think… do you really think I'm in-love with anyone but you? Ross, honey, I'm not gonna lie to you. I've been…I've been having my doubts about this, and you knew, from the very beginning.

**Joey:** Cookie? (offers Ross a cookie. Ross just glares at him) Maybe some other time then. (He eats the cookie) Ooh, crunchy.

**Rachel:** Ross… I'm sorry. (She kisses Ross) I'm sorry you had to…I'm sorry you had to doubt me.

**Ross:** I'm sorry I doubted you. (He kisses her again)

(After the kiss, they both turn to look at Joey. There's an awkward pause)

**Joey:** Aw, so this is awkward!

**TWO MORE DAYS TILL THE WEDDING.**

_(Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. There's a party going on, lots of people. It's Ross's bachelor party. Joey and Chandler are walking through the crowd to open the door.)_

**Chandler:** (to some guy) Hey, hey, you! Put some pants on, kid!

(Joey opens the door and it's Ross. He's surprised.)

**Ross:** Oh my god.

**Chandler:** Surprise!

**Joey:** Happy…bachelor party. Or something smarter.

**Ross:** (looking away) I thought I told you not to get a stripper.

**Joey:** Oh, well, great then. She's not a stripper, she's an _entertainer_.

**Ross:** I wasn't talking to you. (He walks into his living-room while Joey shuts the door after him)

**Chandler:** (to Joey) You think he's still mad at you for telling his fiancé that you're in-love with her?

**Joey:** Either that, or I accidentally ate his lunch.

**Ross:** I really appreciate the great party.

**Joey:** Hey, no problem, man.

**Ross:** Not talking to you.

**Joey:** I see. (walks away)

**Ross:** (to Chandler) So you just arranged all that, just right now?

**Chandler:** Yeah, me and Joey. Ok, now I gotta say, the stripper thing. Totally his idea.

**Ross:** Really?

**Chandler:** Yeah, all _I_ did was dial the number, let her in and paid cash.

**Ross:** It's a great party, man.

**Chandler:** Thanks. You know, uh, about this thing with Joey…

**Ross:** Let's not talk about that, please. (He grabs a drink and starts pouring) I'm stressed enough as it is. And don't mention that to Rachel, either. She's so upset, with her father not coming to the wedding and with him getting married to someone else… It's just bad timing.

**Chandler:** Yeah, I just wanted you to know… Joey? He's the best. (Ross looks up at him.) You can't _not_ talk to him forever.

**Ross:** No, I'm trying.

**Chandler:** This whole bachelor-party thing? Totally his idea. (He walks away, leaving a confused Ross to ponder what he just said…)

_(Time Lapse. Ross & Rachel's apartment; the bachelor is still going on, very slow. Ross is making the party watch a documentary on fireflies and everyone, including Joey and Chandler, is so bored.)_

**Joey:** (poking Chandler, over-excited) Dude, dude, look! These fireflies are doing it!

**Chandler:** (extremely bored) I wish I was a firefly.

**Joey:** So that you'd do it?

**Chandler:** (shakes his head) So that I'd fly my ass out of here. (He has a sip of his beer) I'm gonna get some more beer.

(Chandler gets up for the kitchen to get more beer for himself. Joey and Ross are now the only ones sitting on the leather brown couch, watching TV, while everyone else watches either standing up or sitting on regular chairs at a small distance)

**Joey:** (clears throat) Hey, umm Ross, so this is a nice documentary, huh?

(Ross, holding the remote, increases the volume of the TV)

**Joey:** It's very entertaining. Like that stripper in there. (Ross increases it more) Speaking of the stripper, I'm really sorry she spilled wine on your blanket.

**Ross:** It was white and very clean!

**Joey:** Sorry.

(There is a silence. Joey keeps looking at Ross, whose eyes are locked on the TV)

**Joey:** Man, look, I think—I think we should talk about our situation here.

**Ross:** What situation? You're in love with the woman I'm getting married to in 2 days.

**Joey:** YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?! (Ross looks at him sarcastically.) Ooooooh! That's what you meant by asking me to be your best man!

(Ross sighs in frustration.)

**Joey:** Look, Ross, you got nothing to worry about, alright? I mean, you heard her. It's you. It's always been you.

**Ross:** She has doubts.

**Joey:** She's "supposedly" getting married to _you_, who ISN'T gonna have doubts?

(There is another silence.)

**Ross:** Can I just-can I just ask you something?

**Joey:** No, no, you absolutely can-NOT punch me in the stomach.

**Ross:** No, Joey…

**Joey: Or** kick me down there.

**Ross:** No, no, umm… (clears throat, now looking at him) Did you uh… did you not go to L.A. and turn down that _Nurses_ show because you were in love with Rachel?

**Joey:** No, but I love New York and the paying sucks. (Beat) Why?

**Ross:** I just…I just wanted to make sure how much exactly are you in-love with her.

**Joey:** Yeah, see? Did you see? It's-it's not that big a deal. I mean, there's no way I would stay somewhere just to _be_ with her! Ross… I'm _gonna_ get over her.

(A pause of silence.)

**Ross:** (looking up, seeing there's no-one there anymore) Where the _hell_ is everybody?!

**Joey:** Fun party.

(Ross smiles and the two guys shake hands)

**ELEVEN HOURS TILL THE WEDDING.**

_(Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is getting coffee to go while Joey enters)_

**Rachel:** (to Gunther) Thanks, Gunther.

**Gunther:** So, uh, I hear you're getting married. Congratulations.

**Rachel:** Thank you.

**Gunther:** I just want you to know…if you—would you like to go out with me sometime, for dinner?

(Rachel looks at him.)

**Rachel:** What is happening to men in America?

(Joey sees Rachel and he approaches her just as she's heading to leave)

**Joey:** Rach.

**Rachel:** Hey. Hi. How are you?

**Joey:** How are _you_? I mean, you're getting married today. Just in a couple of hours.

**Rachel:** Yeah, I'm-I'm, I'm just getting some coffee. You know, nothing better than to start your wedding day with a hot cup of coffee.

**Joey:** Yeah, that or drugs. (They share a laugh.) Look, umm…

**Rachel:** I, Joey… I know what you're gonna say and… (after a pause) I know.

**Joey:** You know.

**Rachel:** I know. I know that you're…that you're sorry and that you never meant for Ross to…

**Joey:** Yeah, you know.

(Rachel smiles and taps him on his back.)

**Joey:** What do you want? You know, as a wedding gift? I mean, Phoebe's getting you a guitar so… (covers his mouth, realizing he revealed that by accident)

**Rachel:** She's getting us a _guitar_?! Eww.

**Joey:** (chuckles) Yeah, so…

**Rachel:** Well, actually, I wouldn't mind 2 tickets to the Bahamas.

**Joey:** Oh, sure, I'll just use one of my magic wishes. (They share a chuckle) They've been working out so well lately.

**Rachel:** Right.

(There is a pause.)

**Rachel:** I'm sorry, Joe, I-I gotta go.

**Joey:** Right, you have a wedding to prepare.

**Rachel:** No, but Monica's driving my ass _**crazy**_! Bye.

**Joey:** Bye!

(Rachel leaves and Joey turns around to get coffee from the counter)

**Joey:** Hey, Gunther, a cup of coffee.

**Gunther:** I heard you told Rachel you love her.

**Joey:** Yeah. One cup of coffee, Gunther.

**Gunther:** We don't sell coffee. (He turns around and walks away)

**ONLY TWO HOURS TILL THE WEDDING.**

_(Scene: Wedding Reception. Monica is making sure everything's prepared, she has headsets on and she's neurotically crazy. Chandler follows her.)_

**Monica:** Ok, we only have 2 more hours, people. 2 more hours. (screaming) TWO! Two more hours!

**Chandler:** I'm sorry, how many hours did you say?

**Monica:** Chandler, I have a wedding to prepare in a hundred-and-twenty-seven minutes and I am not welcoming your sarcasm.

**Chandler:** I'm getting _laid_ tonight. (He walks away)

(Phoebe shows up in her dress)

**Monica:** Okay, Phoebe, did you find the maid of honor?

**Phoebe:** I _am_ the maid-of-honor.

**Monica:** Ok, and the minister?

**Phoebe:** We lost the minister?

**Monica:** Well-done, let's get to business people! (claps her hands three times)

**Phoebe:** Ok, Monica? You have got to stop the craziness and the neurotic-ness.

**Monica:** Why?

**Phoebe:** Because it's making me so FREAKING _**ANGRY**_!!

**Monica:** (pulls a prescription box out of her purse) Take 2 pills every 30 minutes. They help through the stress.

**Phoebe:** Ooh, candy! (takes the medicine and walks away happily)

**Monica:** (talking into her headset) What the hell do you mean? (listens.) What?! (listens.) Are you freaking kidding me?!

(Chandler returns)

**Chandler:** What's goin' on?

**Monica:** The best man's missing. (She walks away)

……………………………………………………

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

_**Please review me! tell me what you think about this newest update and make sure you stop by later for the Finale…the last chapter.**_

_**--Next Chapter: THE ONE WITH ROSS AND RACHEL'S WEDDING, PART II, believe me you DO NOT want to miss the finale. Trust me on this one. This chapter was probably not J/R fans' favorites but this is how this story is supposed to go, SORRRY! Really. Thank you loads for reading and hopefully it was entertaining enough for you to come back for part 2 of the end.**_

_**--Peace & Love.**_

* * *


	16. Ross and Rachel's Wedding, Part II

_****_

The One With The Wrecked Christmas

_--Chapter 16--  
_THE ONE WITH ROSS AND RACHEL'S WEDDING (PART II)

a.k.a  
THE LAST ONE

* * *

Welcome to the final chapter of TOW The Wrecked Christmas. This is part 2 of The One With Ross and Rachel's Wedding, also known as The Last One. I don't have to thank u all sooooooo much for your wonderful reviews that keep me captivated. Hopefully, you'll read some of my other (also upcoming) fanfics.

I'm not gonna keep you waiting any longer so…

Here's _**The One With Ross and Rachel's Wedding, Part II**_

* * *

(Continues where Chapter 15 left us off...)

**Phoebe (voice-over):** Previously on Friends.

_(Scene: Central Perk. This is a scene from Chapter 14 "The One Before The Last One" The girls are there with Mrs. Green, Rachel's mother, talking.)_

**Rachel:** This is once-in-a-lifetime thing. And he's supposed to be there, my father's supposed to be there. (cut to later) I just… (sighs) I-I can't believe this. If-if he doesn't make it to the wedding, if he doesn't come…I don't think I can talk to him again, like, ever. (she runs and exits)

_(Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. This is a scene from the previous chapter, it's Ross's bachelor party.)_

**Chandler:** (to Joey) You think he's still mad at you for telling his fiancé that you're in-love with her?

(cut to later)

**Joey:** Ross, I'm _gonna_ get over her.

_(Scene: Wedding Reception. It's the last scene from chapter 15. Monica is making sure everything's prepared, she has headsets on and she's neurotically crazy.)_

**Monica:** (talking into her headset) What the hell do you mean? (listens.) What?! (listens.) Are you freaking kidding me?!

(Chandler approaches her)

**Chandler:** What's goin' on?

**Monica:** The best man's missing. (She walks away)

**FLASHBACK SCENE … TWO DAYS TILL THE WEDDING.**

_(Scene: Monica and Chandler's place. There's a calm party going on: it's Rachel's bachelorette party. Monica is in the living-room with other people)_

**Monica:** How many times do I have to say, use a coaster! (gives a woman a coaster)

**Phoebe:** (coming from the kitchen) Ok, Monica, I just got off the phone with the stripper and he's on his way.

**Monica:** What? Phoebe, we said no strippers.

**Phoebe:** _What_? What's fun about _that_?

**Monica:** We don't have to have a stripper taking off his clothes for us. We can just sit around, have some wine, talk about our lives and be very calm and enjoy a quiet party.

**Phoebe:** That's not a bachelorette party, that's a _tea_ party!

(Rachel enters)

**Monica:** Hi!

**Rachel:** Oh, my god, I can't believe you guys threw me a surprise bachelorette party! I'm so shocked!

**Phoebe:** (whispers) Really?

**Rachel:** No, I kinda already knew.

**Monica:** So, Rach, welcome to the party. Have a seat, get comfortable.

**Phoebe:** Knock yourself out, this is gonna be one wild tea party!

**Rachel:** Oh, yay! (She takes a seat) So can I have a beer? Or something?

**Phoebe:** Oh, no, beer has alcohol… (turns to Monica, with a sarcastic face) and alcohol's not ALLOWED.

**Monica:** Some people are driving home tonight!

(There is a knock at the door.)

**Monica:** Ooh, I'll get it. (She opens the door for Mrs. Green) Mrs. Green! What a nice surprise! Come on in!

**Rachel:** Oh, no.

**Phoebe:** _Now_ it's a party.

**Mrs. Green:** Oh, wow, what a nice party. This is very…weird, why is nobody drinking?

**Rachel:** (gets up) Mom, what're you doing here?

**Mrs. Green:** Rachel, what an inappropriate way to greet your mother. Monica invited me.

(Rachel turns around and gives Monica a glare.)

**Monica:** You don't have all that many friends!

**Rachel: **Mom, you need to get out.

**Mrs. Green and Monica:** Rachel!

**Rachel:** Look, the point of bachelorette parties is to hang out and be _happy_ and I can't-I can't do that with you around here.

**Mrs. Green:** (Tiny-chuckle) Why…why are you—your father's abandoning you on your wedding day, and _I'm_ the victim here?

**Rachel:** Where the hell were you all this time?! (There is a pause. People are now focusing on Rachel and Mrs. Green) Just—just please…leave.

**Mrs. Green:** Well…this is umm, a very well-organized party, Monica. Send your mother the best. I'll uh I'll be leaving now.

**Monica:** No, wait, Mrs. Green. Stay…just, stay. Alright? Rachel…she's just going through a rough time. Please stay, for me and Phoebe.

**Mrs. Green:** Well, alrighty then. (Rachel groans) So, where's the stripper?

**Rachel:** Oh god! (She walks away)

**Mrs. Green:** What? There's a stripper, right?

**Phoebe:** Oh, there's a _lot_ of stuff in this party.

**BACK TO PRESENT TIME … ONLY 2 MORE HOURS FOR THE WEDDING.**

_(Scene: Wedding reception, entrance room. Monica is running towards the door, from the inside, and Chandler approaches her)_

**Chandler:** Question: why are we running like lost sacred dogs?

**Monica:** Chandler, quick. We have to find Joey before the wedding. We barely have 2 and a half hours left. Quick, search every single sandwich store in the city.

**Chandler:** Oh, right, because _that_ wouldn't take a minute.

**Monica:** Use your gut.

**Chandler:** My _gut_?!

**Monica:** If Joey could be anywhere, where would he be right now?

(There is a pause.)

**Chandler:** (smiling) Amsterdam.

**Monica:** (smacks Chandler on the head) Think!

**Chandler:** Ow, ow and OW!

**Monica:** Chandler, you have 20 minutes to find Chandler.

**Chandler:** (chuckles) Or else?

**Monica:** I will kill you. (Pause) I will physically and literally torture you…with 8 straight hours of Ross's new documentary.

**Chandler:** (quickly) Joey'll be here in 10 minutes. (He runs out)

**Monica:** (smiles to herself) Excellent. (runs over to a flower-guy-arranger) Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Hold on! What do you think you're doing?

**Guy:** I'm arranging the flowers.

**Monica:** And you think _that's_ the way to do them?

**Guy:** Surely that's the _right_ way.

**Monica:** I say what's right or wrong.

**Guy:** Sorry. (leaves the flowers and walks away) Bitch.

**Monica:** I heard that!

**Guy:** Said it loud!

(Phoebe is walking with the prescription box in her hand.)

**Monica:** Pheebs, can you help me out here? (She's trying to properly arrange the flowers)

**Phoebe:** Oh, I'm sorry, Mon, I wish I could but I still haven't had lunch yet.

**Monica:** Phoebe, those aren't candy! This is medicine!

**Phoebe:** What does it…do?

**Monica:** If you take too much of it, you can be dehydrated, dizzy and almost very close to drunk.

**Phoebe:** Ooh, I would _**love**_ to get drunk again.

**Monica:** (into her headset again) Ok, code blue! Code blue!

**Phoebe:** What's code blue?

**Monica:** An emergency.

**Phoebe:** There's an emergency?

**Monica:** Joey's missing.

**Phoebe:** Oh, well, where is he?

(Monica looks at her.)

**Monica:** I don't know! That's why…he's missing!

**Phoebe:** Shall I call the cops?

**Monica:** No, don't call the cops. Chandler's looking in sandwich stores, you check up in fast-food restaurants and I'll assign other people to other places.

**Phoebe:** Ok, ooh but Mon before I go can I ask? What do I get, if I find him?

**Monica:** Nothing!

**Phoebe:** Not even a reward? Gee, this is a fun game. (She walks out)

(Ross enters in his suit.)

**Ross:** Hey!

**Monica:** Ross! Hey, what-what're you doing here? You're getting married in less than a hundred and twenty minutes.

**Ross:** I came to check up on everything. Is everything alright? Is the bride here? Everyone's here?

**Monica:** Everything's fine, Ross. Rachel's just getting dressed, neither of you is drunk and I'm pretty sure Rach isn't a lesbian.

**Ross:** Great. (Starts to leave then returns) Wait, and umm, Joey? Have you seen him? I kinda need to talk to him?

**Monica:** (hesitant) Oh, umm, he uh yeah I just saw him a few minutes ago.

**Ross:** Great, I'll go look for him. (Starts to leave again)

**Monica:** Wait, wait! No, Ross, he's in his hotel room.

**Ross:** Ok… (Starts to leave again)

**Monica:** No, he's taking a shower.

**Ross:** I'll wait for him. (Starts to leave again)

**Monica:** He's naked in the middle of the room! (Ross looks at her weird.) It's weird, I know, but it's Joey. You know?

**Ross:** What…what's going on?

**Monica:** Nothing.

**Ross:** No, something's going on.

**Monica:** Of course something's going on. (smiling) You're getting married! My big brother's finally getting married…for the fourth time.

**Ross:** Monica…

**Monica:** (sighs) Fine, but don't freak out alright?

**Ross:** What is it?

**Monica:** It's Joey. We can't find him.

**Ross:** What?!

**Monica:** But it's okay, we got the best teams working on searching all over the city for him.

(Chandler and Phoebe return)

**Chandler:** Couldn't find him.

**Phoebe:** Too drunk to look.

**Ross:** So, what? He's just…gone? Just like that? He's not here? Not in his hotel room? He's not anywhere?

**Chandler:** I'm sorry, man.

**Ross:** I'm gonna go look for him.

**Phoebe:** Ooh, I'll come help!

**Ross:** No! (He leaves alone)

**Phoebe:** Somebody's cranky today.

**Chandler:** I would be if _I_ was getting married. I mean, marriage is such an overrated issue. It's such an overwhelming process of… (sees Monica's staring at him.) …loveliness and wonderfulness, I love you. (kisses Monica)

**Phoebe:** I can't believe Joey's gone.

**Monica:** I know.

**Chandler:** I feel so bad for Ross. I can't believe Joey would do that, he's the best man! Who runs away on his best friend's wedding?

(There is a pause.)

**Monica:** You ran away on _your_ own wedding!

**Chandler:** Hey, you're the one married to a Bing, you're screwed to death. (He walks away)

_(Scene: A bar, the same one the guys went to on an earlier chapter. Joey is having a drink as Ross walks in and starts to look around.)_

**Joey:** (to bartender) Another round.

(Ross sees Joey at the counter and approaches him then sits to his left. There is a pause and either men is saying a word.)

**Ross:** I screw up. I screw things up with Rachel, I always do. It's been 10 years. We've been going at it for 10 years, I'm a screwed person. I'm unstable and frankly, most of the time, I _don't_ know what I want. Do I wannna be with Rachel? Do I wanna cheat on her again? Do I wanna be single again? It's been 10 years and I still don't know the answer.

(A pause.)

**Ross:** All I know is that I'm insanely in-love with her. And I have been, since the ninth grade. You all know that. I'm _that_ kind of person. The person that tells his friends all his secrets. Rachel and I have gone through…a lot of stuff. There's history there, and sometimes I get scared. I get scared thinking, "God, what if she doesn't love me? What if she doesn't wanna be with me? What if it's me, it's always been me? What if I love her more than she does?" And then I think, "What if someone else loves her?" Then _you_ pop up to my mind.

(Another pause. Joey is staring down at his new drink, Ross is just talking while Joey listens intently.)

**Ross:** You pop up to my mind and I know. I know that you love her. But we're best friends, and you're my best man. We're-we're friends and, and we're in love with the same woman. (Joey now looks up at his friend.) I have a chance with her, I'm marrying her. I'm supposed to walk down that aisle in 30 minutes but now I can't. I can't because now all I think while I walk down that aisle and grab Rachel's hand…all I _know_ I'm gonna be thinking about is how this marriage will affect _you_.

(Another pause of silence.)

**Ross:** How it affects my best friend, my best man. So I'm stepping down. I'm being the best man, and I'm stepping down. I can't marry her.

(Ross starts to get up then Joey grabs his hand)

**Joey:** Wait.

**Ross:** Joey…

**Joey:** Let me buy you a drink.

(Ross, standing still, looks down at Joey who looks back at him.)

_(Scene: Rachel's hotel room. Monica, Chandler and Mrs. Green are waiting in a small living-room.)_

**Mrs. Green:** I can't believe my little girl's getting married.

**Chandler:** I can't believe she's getting married to _Ross_.

(Rachel, looking absolutely stunning in her white wedding dress, walks into the room from her bedroom. Monica, Chandler and Mrs. Green all stand up to greet her in awe.)

**Monica:** Oh, my god.

**Rachel:** (crying) Really?

**Monica:** I really mean it!

(The girls hug)

**Rachel:** (wiping her tears without ruining her makeup) No, no, no tears. No tears. This is a happy occasion. We're not gonna cry. Monica, we're not gonna cry on my wedding night.

**Monica:** (also wiping her tears…) Okay, okay…

(A pause)

**Rachel:** Oh what the hell!

**Monica:** OKAY!

(They hug again, crying)

**Mrs. Green:** Honey, darling, I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to see you walk down that aisle. (Holds Rachel's hands) Ross? He's a wonderful man, and I'm sure he's gonna make you happy.

**Rachel:** (crying) I know, I know mom. I know he will. I'm sure he will.

**Chandler:** Whoa, wait till the divorce comes. (The three women look at him, stunned.) I, I, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't… (He leaves)

**Rachel:** So, Mon, is everything okay? Is everything ready?

**Monica:** Honey, everything's ready. There's nothing to worry about.

**Rachel:** Yeah? Ross's in his room? He got dressed?

**Monica:** He…yeah, he's in his room, honey. Or he's probably just waiting for you, y'know at the church.

**Rachel:** Right. I'm gonna go fix my make-up.

**Monica:** Okay.

(Rachel returns to her room.)

**Mrs. Green:** And I'm gonna go throw up in the toilet.

**Monica:** Okay. Have fun.

(Mrs. Green disappears into the bathroom.)

(Phoebe enters and Monica quickly looks at her, waiting for an answer.)

**Phoebe:** (Shakes her head "no") Sorry.

**Monica:** Ross too? It's enough that Joey's missing, but Ross too?

**Phoebe:** Yeah, Mon, I'm sorry. I looked everywhere, in every single library, the museums, all the dinosaur factories… (Monica looks at her) What, they're real.

**Monica:** God, this is a disaster. What are we gonna do?

**Phoebe:** Well, I know what we're _not_ gonna do and that's telling Rachel.

**Monica:** Yeah, you're probably right. I mean, she'll just freak out. And she does not handle stress very well.

**Phoebe:** Apparently, neither can you. Were you crying?

**Monica:** No!

**Phoebe:** Yes, you were! You were crying!

**Monica:** Yeah, well, Rachel's mother puking in the bathroom!

**Phoebe:** Awe, really? Wow, _now's_ it's a wedding.

_(Scene: The bar again. Joey and Ross are still talking, and Ross now has a drink too.)_

**Joey:** You can't do that, Ross.

**Ross:** Yes, I can.

**Joey:** Ross…

**Ross:** Joey, I did not come out here to argue.

**Joey:** She's the love of your life! You can't leave her waiting at the altar like that! (A pause.) Ross…

**Ross:** I'm sorry… Tell her I'm sorry.

(They trade looks and Ross has a sip of his drink)

_(Scene: Wedding Reception. Monica is still nervous and prepping the wedding while Phoebe does her best to help.)_

**Monica:** Ok, we still have like 20 minutes till Rachel starts going down that aisle so we have time. We can find them.

**Phoebe:** Monica, people are coming in. People are waiting.

**Monica:** We can find them.

(They trade looks.)

**Monica:** Look, I know my brother. He wouldn't do this, okay? He wouldn't do this. Not to her, not to Rachel.

**Phoebe:** I-I-I can't, this is-this is too sad. It's too sad, I can't watch… I, I can't watch her walk down the aisle with him not being there.

**Monica:** Phoebe, get it together. MIKE! (Mike approaches) Control her.

**Mike:** (to Phoebe) Honey, it's gonna be okay.

**Phoebe:** (sighs) I will control myself if she (pointing at Monica) gives me more of that candy.

**Mike:** Candy?

**Monica:** It's pills and she's suddenly a 12 year-old again. (to Guy, the same flower-guy Monica picked a fight with earlier) Okay, you! You know I don't like you, right?

**Guy:** Of course.

**Monica:** I want a distraction from you in 20 minutes if the groom doesn't show up.

**Guy:** A distraction? What kind of distraction? What do you want me to do?

**Monica:** Are you familiar with nude-stripping? (He stares at her surprised.) Here's 50 bucks. (She slips him some money)

(Chandler enters)

**Monica:** Chandler? Anything?

**Chandler:** I left him, like, 30 messages on his phone. Nothing.

**Mike:** Any word on Joey?

**Chandler:** (shakes his head) Nothing.

**Phoebe:** This is bad, bad, VERY BAD!

(Chandler seems stunned.)

**Mike:** Pain-killers, she seduced.

(Rachel enters with her wedding dress. By the way, they're all not IN the wedding chapel right now. They're just behind the doors.)

**Monica:** Rachel!

**Rachel:** Hey, how do I look?

(They all look at her, very saddened and overwhelmed.)

**Chandler:** (about to cry) You look amazing.

**Rachel:** (smiling) Thank you. Now what are you all doing here? Why aren't you in THERE? (a pause) Is something wrong? Monica, what's going on?

**Monica:** Honey, there's nothing…

**Rachel:** Is…is Ross not in there? (A pause.) Monica?

**Monica:** Rach, let's go fix your make-up.

**Rachel:** What, no, Mon it's already fixed. I just fixed it.

**Monica:** Yeah, but… (She screws with her make-up) Oh no would you look at that? Let's go fix that!

**Rachel:** No…

(Monica drags Rachel to some other place)

**Phoebe:** This is sad. This is sad, sad and very sad and that's not just the drugs talking.

**Chandler:** It's Ross! Y'know? And it's Rachel! How could he…how could he do that? He stood her up. That's terrible.

**Phoebe:** She's gonna cry and when Rachel cries, _I_ cry. And if _I_ cry, the baby cries! (Beat) See, that's a lot of people Ross's making cry.

**Mike:** Did he and Rachel get into some kind of fight, or is this still the Joey-thing?

**Chandler:** I never thought about it like that. Maybe it's the Joey thing.

**Ross:** What Joey thing?

**Chandler:** (turns around to typically talk to Ross) Oh, you know, the whole Joey-telling-Rachel-he-loves-her thing. (he turns around again, realizes then back at Ross.) Oh my god!

**Phoebe:** You came!

**Joey:** (approaching) Yeah, he did.

**Phoebe:** (to Ross, about to punch him) You son of a … bastard!

**Ross:** Did she just…call my father a bastard?

**Phoebe:** There's a church 2 feet away, Ross, I'm not calling your mother a bitch… Oh! (gasps and covers her mouth)

**Chandler:** Where the hell have you guys been?

**Ross:** We…went out for some fresh air.

**Mike:** Fresh air? Is that it?

**Ross:** Yes.

**Joey:** Yeah, yeah, sure.

**Chandler:** We looked all over the city for you, Monica's freaking out, Phoebe's on drugs, and there's a strange man stripping for your guests in there! (He points at the doors)

**Phoebe:** Ok, well now go in there before Rachel comes and sees you.

**Ross:** Ok, just Phoebe…

**Phoebe: Gooooo!** (She pushes Ross, through the doors, into the chapel) So, Joe, what was really goin' on?

**Joey:** Fresh air.

**Phoebe:** Joey.

**Joey:** He uh he got scared. Probably just cold feet or something, y'know? (There's a pause.) He wanted to leave. He was gonna leave her.

**Phoebe:** You convinced him to stay.

**Joey:** Yeah, that's what a best man is for, right?

**Phoebe:** Right.

**Chandler:** Ready to go in?

**Mike:** Let's do it.

(They all enter except for Chandler when he sees Monica and Rachel return)

**Chandler:** Hey.

**Monica:** Hey, where'd everyone go?

**Chandler:** Everybody's waiting. (Monica looks at him.) C'mon, Rach, Ross is waiting for you.

(Monica sighs in relief, understanding what happened.)

**Monica:** (to Rachel) You ready?

**Rachel:** Yeah, just give me a minute. (sighs) Oh god this is really happening. Mon, I'm really getting married.

**Monica:** (smiles) Yeah you are.

**Rachel:** I can't believe this.

**Chandler:** You uh…you want me to walk you down the aisle, since your father…?

**Rachel:** (looks down at first) Right…yeah, sure, thanks Chandler. I would really appreciate that.

**Monica:** See you in there. (She goes in)

(Rachel takes a deep breath.)

**Chandler:** Y'ready?

**Rachel:** (sighs) Yeah.

_(Cut to inside the chapel. Ross and Joey are standing near the minister, Monica and Phoebe and Mike are now standing to the other side, waiting. The chapel is full of guests and other people.)_

**Phoebe:** (whispers to Monica) What is taking so long?

**Monica:** Don't worry, she'll get here.

(There is a long silence. Everyone has their eyes locked on the white doors, anxiously waiting for Rachel in her awesome white dress to come through it)

**Ross:** (whispers to Joey) What's going on? Why is she late?

**Joey:** It wouldn't be Rachel if she wasn't late.

(The door is opening, and everyone quickly glares at it to see if it's Rachel)

(But it's not: it's Emma and Ben, as flower-girl and ring-boy, dressed perfectly nice in their dress and suit. Everyone awes.)

(There is another long term of awkward silence. Some people are getting concerned on Rachel's alleged arrival to the wedding. Ross is very tense and Phoebe is worried. Mike tries to console her)

**Ross:** (whispers to Joey) She's not coming.

**Joey:** Don't say that.

**Ross:** I can't do this, I'm walking out.

**Joey:** Ross…

(Ross starts to pace down the aisle, in the opposite direction of course, heading towards the white doors. Everyone starts watching him now)

**Phoebe:** This is sad. So sad.

**Mike:** I know.

(Just as Ross continues to pace down the aisle, Rachel enters from the door. Ross stops and smiles. Chandler is walking Rachel down the aisle.)

**Rachel:** Ross?

**Chandler:** Dude…

(Ross returns to Joey and the minister)

**Rachel:** Was he…gonna…?

(Mr. Green, Rachel's father, enters through the doors behind Rachel & Chandler)

**Mr. Green:** (to Chandler) I'll be taking it from here, thank you.

(Chandler nods at Mr. Green and goes stands with Monica as Mr. Green walks Rachel down the aisle)

**Rachel**: Dad, what're you doing here? I thought you weren't coming.

**Mr. Green:** This is my baby. My baby's getting married. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

**Rachel:** And the 30 year-old slut?

**Mr. Green:** (chuckles) She's gone.

**Rachel:** (smiling) Daddy…

**Mr. Green:** Just please don't tell me you're gonna leave this one at the altar too.

(Rachel chuckles as Mr. Green hands Rachel to Ross at the end of the aisle)

(Ross nods and smiles and everyone takes their seats again, Mr. Green sitting next to Mrs. Green)

**Mr. Green:** (to Mrs. Green) Oh, you're here.

**Mrs. Green:** It's my daughter's wedding. Why wouldn't I be here?

**Mr. Green:** Hmm… that liposuction went well, didn't it?

**Minister:** Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Ross and Rachel in holy matrimony. Before we begin, if there's anyone who believes these two shall not be joined together, speak now or stay hold forever.

(There is a silence at the chapel. Ross and Rachel trade looks. Rachel glances at Joey, standing behind Ross as his "best man". There is a moment, as Joey looks back at her and when he realizes she's looking at him he quickly looks down to avoid eye-contact)

**Minister:** Anyone? Anyone at all?

**Ross:** Ok, I'm sorry, are you here to marry us, or break us?

(Rachel laughs)

**Minister:** Ok, then, we shall begin…

_(Time Lapse. The wedding is still on…)_

**Minister:** Rachel, you may begin your vows.

**Rachel:** (clears throat) Okay, umm… I gotta say, Ross, to prepare these vows I had to go through a lot. I mean, it was hard for me to discuss my emotions to you that way. But then I realized, it doesn't have to be. All I have to do is say what I _wanted_ to say. What I've been _wanting_ to say for 10 years. We've been together, then apart, then together, then apart. We have a history together, something that keeps us glued to each other. I mean, sure, you slept with a copy-girl like 8 years ago but… (Beat) We made it through. We always made it through, because we long together. We always belonged together, even when we got drunk and married in Vegas! (Beat, Ross is smiling) We're…we're Ross and Rachel, and I love you so I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

**Minister:** Ross, it's your turn to say _your_ vows but please—try to make it less humoring.

**Ross:** Rachel… I love you. I know that I love you to death. It's not something I have to think about, or take a moment to pause on. I know that every morning I wake up, I begin to love you more. I cannot imagine one minute without being with you. You complete me, Rach, and you're perfect. And I'm certain in my heart that you're my soul-mate, the "one" for me, my best friend. You're the love of my life and if you let me, I will make you happy for the rest of your life.

_(If you noticed, or not, most of the things Ross said in his vows were the things Joey advised him to say…earlier in chapter 14. Moving on…)_

**Minister:** All right, then, shall we do the rings?

(Joey hands him the rings. Ross puts the ring around Rachel's finger then she does the same and they smile to each other)

**Minister:** So I guess by the power vested in me in the state of New York, I now pronounce you… (nods at Ross) husband... (nods at Rachel) and wife. You may kiss the bride.

(Ross leans over and kisses Rachel while everyone claps and whistles like crazy where I also imagine the _audience_ clapping and screaming happily.)

**Minister:** Congratulations.

(Ross and Rachel are whispering to each other while the clapping and the screaming goes on while _Vulnerable_ by _Secondhand Serenade_ rolls in the background.)

_**Lyrics of the song in the background:**__ I was born to tell you I love you. Isn't that a song already (isn't that a song already?). I get a B in originality. And it's true I can't go on without you…_

**Ross:** (smiling to Rachel) I'm gonna kiss you again.

**Rachel:** (smiling back) Really?

**Ross:** You bet I am.

(Before he gets to kiss her…)

**Rachel:** Wait, Monica mentioned something about you being late. What was that about?

**Ross:** Oh, nothing, I had a fling with that copy girl.

(They share a laugh and Ross kisses her again as the clapping/song continues…)

_**Lyrics…:**__ Your smile makes me see clear. If you could only see in the mirror what I see…_

_(Scene: The Reception Hall. The wedding is in full swing. Ross, Rachel, Joey, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Mike are sitting on one big round table)_

**Joey:** (stands up, clears throat, glass of wine up) I would like to propose a toast…

**Chandler:** Oh, Joey, you don't have to do that for me, I could propose my own toast for my myself.

**Joey:** To Ross and Rachel.

**All:** Cheers!

(They all cling glasses and drink. Don't worry, Phoebe is only having a Coke lol, 'cause she's pregnant)

**Joey:** So, we were invited for the wedding. We gonna invited for the divorce?

(They share a chuckle.)

**Phoebe:** (to Mike only) Hey, umm, you think maybe we can name the baby Frank? In case it's a boy.

**Mike:** Oh, sure honey. What Frank?

**Phoebe:** It was, umm, it was my father's name. And my stepbrother's name.

**Mike:** Wow.

**Phoebe:** And, if you give me a minute, I could think of two more Franks I know in my life.

**Mike:** (chuckles) And if it's a girl?

**Phoebe:** How about…um, Ursula?

**Mike:** Ursula? Wow, that's a weird name. Where'd you come up with that?

**Phoebe:** Umm…I just did. (She smiles at him then they kiss)

**Monica:** (to Chandler only) So…when this party is over, do you think we can go and start our own party…you know, in the bedroom?

**Chandler:** Hmm…will you be naked?

**Monica:** Fully.

**Chandler:** Will you strip for me, 'cause the flower-guy really ruined that for me today.

**Monica:** (chuckles) I'm sorry, I'm sorry. (They kiss.) Hey. We okay?

**Chandler:** Yeah, of course. (Chuckles) Why wouldn't we be?

**Monica:** The whole Richard thing? That over?

**Chandler:** Yes, it's over.

**Monica:** Good.

**Chandler:** Because I spoke with Janice.

**Monica:** (screaming) YOU DID WHAT?! (Everyone at dinner look at her, she smiles embarrassed) Carry on, carry on…

**Ross:** (to Joey now) Joey, I just wanna say…thanks for everything, man. I wouldn't have made it here without you. You…made me.

**Joey:** That's why I'm your best man.

**Ross:** That's why you're my best man.

**Joey:** So I'll still be your best man at your _next_ wedding?

**Ross:** You guys aren't gonna let that go for a while, aren't you?

**Joey:** Nope. (He has a drink)

**Chandler:** Look at us. (They all pause.) We're a bunch of married people now.

**Joey:** Yes we are! Let's drink to that!

(They all burst into laughter and have another sip of their drinks)

**Rachel:** I'm so glad you guys are all here with us … even though The Plaza wouldn't have sounded so bad either, I'm just saying!

**Ross:** (laughs) I love you. (He kisses her)

**Joey:** So…this is a wedding. Someone's gotta be pregnant. Nobody pregnant?

**Monica:** No, Joe, no-one's pregnant.

**Phoebe:** Wait, that's not true! I'm pregnant.

**Joey:** Someone _new_.

**Rachel:** Nobody's pregnant, Joe.

**Phoebe:** What, I'm old news now? Mike, say something!

**Mike:** You _really_ need to stop taking those pills!

**Joey:** I'm gonna go get some more drinks.

(Joey gets up and heads over to the drinking-table. He starts pouring wine into his glass while Bobbie approaches him. Bobbie, his agent, remember?)

**Bobbie:** Hi, Joey.

**Joey:** Bobbie! Hi, what're you doing here?

**Bobbie:** You invited me.

**Joey:** No I didn't.

**Bobbie:** Well then my name is Jane Green and I'm the bride's second cousin.

**Joey:** Bobbie…

**Bobbie:** Yeah?

**Joey:** You wanna go out sometime?

**Bobbie:** For sex?

**Joey:** For coffee! Or dinner, or drinks or something.

**Bobbie:** Sex sounds good, I'll be naked in your room by 9. (She walks away with her drink)

**Joey:** Eh well… (He walks away with his drink too)

**Closing Credits**

_(Scene: The Wedding hall. It's the kids' table: Emma, Ben, Jack & Erica are sitting to the table drinking Coke and eating kids' food.)_

**Emma:** (to Erica) Did you know that I saw Ben talking with this girl Chloe from the library the other day?

**Erica:** (gasps) No!

**Ben:** Emma! We were on…a break!

**Emma:** Yeah, whatever.

**End**

……………………………………………………

**The End.**

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_**Yay, it's the end… No more updates after this, folks, no more new chapters, no more Ross-Rachel-Joey triangle, no more "Oh my god is she pregnant?! (gasps) It's negative?! He told her he loved her?!" No more! :( How sad hehehe (This was a looooooong chapter, wasn't it? I wanted to break it into maybe 2 chaps. or 3 but I already promised Chapter 16 is the last so…)**_

_**I hope you liked the story in general, the end and the last chapter in particular. HOPEFULLY YOU WERE ENTERTAINED. Perhaps if I spent more time on the last chapter I would've made it better but hopefully it was good enough for you to review me. also, sorry J/R fans, maybe u were a lil disappointed but from the beginning this seemed like a RnR happy ending.**_

_**THANK U SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR UR COMMENTS & FOR READING THIS FANFIC. I hope you will read more from me, and wish me luck for school! UGH! School, hehehe byee. (luv ya cathy)**_

_**--Peace & Love. (Take Care)**_

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